Three Up Three Down
This week’s blog looking at the winners and losers in the Premier League is taking on a special Newcastle United theme, so shit was what the club “produced” on Saturday.
Loser’s from the weekends action
Where to start with our beleaguered manager. 2 wins and 7 defeats in 13 league games. A shocking run of form. It’s worse than that though. I would attach to McClaren’s record John Carver’s three wins from 19 league games as well.. So that’s 5 league wins in almost a full season’s worth of games. The club was ***so*** sure about McClaren that it was deemed worthwhile to write off half a season. His refusal to leave Derby mid-season (which let’s face it, cost them promotion) has created an extra set of pressures, his fault or not.
The man doesn’t have a clue what he is doing. United played 4 different formations against Leicester. Moussa Sissoko played on the right, the left, behind the striker and in the middle. ‘Panicking’ doesn’t do it justice. Swansea, West Ham, Watford, Bournemouth, Sheffield Wednesday and Leicester. All should be ‘once in a season’ performances. They’re the norm. They are Steve McClaren’s Newcastle United. A team without any shape, motivation or discipline. There are a couple of good players in that team. They’ve given up.
I sit on do a podcast, twice a week and it’s universally agreed Ayoze Perez is ineffectual as a left winger. In fact he’s useless as a left winger. Waste of time. One of our best players, deadly in the box or in the middle of the park where there is an abundance of space, was first played in midfield miles away from the main striker and then played on the left where he was terrible. For the whole of the second half the left side was Paul Dummet (a Centre Back) and Perez (a forward). No wonder both goals came from that flank (although others in the team were to blame as well).
Steve McClaren doesn’t know what his best team is. He spent the WHOLE of pre-season and the first 8 weeks of this season playing the same terrible formation that didn’t work last season. Then, when as expected terrible results followed that was torn up and United played a totally different system. He doesn’t know what he is doing.
Cisse has been hoyed on the last two games. The man cannot play football outside the penalty area. “Papisse, if you go on and run about a bit. Don’t make any runs behind. You know how terrible you were at Swansea and West Ham, coming deep for the ball every time and when getting it, holding on for too – yeah do that please”.
He’s angry apparently. What an earth is that meant to mean. What has he spent two weeks doing? How was that team set up? We didn’t press them, we didn’t sit deep and play on the counter. What the fuck was it?
Steve McClaren doesn’t know what he is doing.
A player who barely picks up any criticism. The third most expensive player in Newcastle United history. The only time I notice him most games is when he is losing possession or bottling challenges. We needed more from him. Another player who looks deadly in and around the opposition penalty area. It’s a pity he signed for a club that spends most of the time hilariously trying to defend their own penalty area. A waste of money.
A farce and an opposing strikers wet dream. No pace, no power, no height, no organisational skills. Nothing. £80k/week apparently. Stealing a living.
The bloke mustn’t be able to believe his luck. One good game in 4 years at the club and starting at the highest level. Tiote’s injury only furthers that progression. The biggest winner of the ‘Graeme Carr lottery’:
“Do you play in the first team of a foreign team with an impressive name with a sound history?”
“Are you available at less money than any of your first team colleagues?”
“Do you not really have a position in your current team, or play the ‘Number 10’ role which Newcastle United are nowhere near good enough to play?”
“If the answer to the above is yes, you are automatically entered into the Graeme Carr lottery. If you are successful Newcastle United will be making a ludicrous offer to buy you in the next transfer window, most likely with the aim of saving £50k from the actual asking price so Lee Charnley can place the deal on his spreadsheet as a real term saving. “
A player with proven Premier League experience who knows how to play left wing and support a full back. A proper footballer. Thank god he got away from this shite.
Looking more like a Centre Back than either of those than played Saturday and as usual looking better out of the team than in it. More so than ever before.
Alex Hurst – Follow on @TFWeeklyPod
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