It’s been over a week since we all got to laugh at Brighton and enjoy a much deserved league title. Even though the season is technically still on going with the play offs and that (good luck Yorkshire teams. Not because I like them but because I could do without another trip to a ground with a ‘neutral section’ or Reading), United won’t kick a ball until August 12th at the earliest so I can do some end of season rewards. They’re not entirely serious so don’t get upset if you normally scream abuse at Lee Ryder as he hasn’t sufficiently crucified one of the lads in print.
Best commercial away end of the Season
The away end at Hillsborough having six cashiers. Five out of the six didn’t sell alcohol. Guess where the ridiculously long queue formed? Loads of staff standing around doing nothing while two lads were rushed off their feet struggling to sell beer to a raucous away end. Brave call thinking that the Quavers would be a bigger seller than the Carling.
Bristol City away. If you were there you know why.
A tie between Paul ‘Merse’ Merson and a lad near me in the Corner. I’ll let the people decide which was more accurate:
Merse: ‘Rafa Benitez will walk away from Newcastle United.’ May 2017.
Save of the Season:
All of the ones that Mattz Sels made that were mint but the player was offside or the game was already comfortably won. Or that Preston player at SJP who sealed promotion for the lads.
Best Managerial Quote:
“I think if you look at the game in total, we were the better team in how we played.” Jaap Stam – Wednesday 17th August 2016 after his side were comfortably beaten 4 1 at St James’ Park
Best Commitment to Football Fans award:
How could you possibly look past Sky Sports for making us go to Brighton and Cardiff on week nights to satisfy the millions of gimps around the country hoping we’d be soundly beaten.
Most pissed away end:
Cardiff. Blokes asleep before kick off after a day in Wales on the piss.
Best Commitment to Boosting Takings in Newcastle:
Joint mentions to Sky who put forward the idea we should play Leeds on a bank holiday at night and then Northumbria Police for *agreeing* to it.
Humiliation of the Season:
Sunderland AFC aside, it has to be Adrian Durham who conducted 14 different phone ins on how it wasn’t good enough for Rafa and United not to have won the division. Unable to swallow the absolute scenes on Tyneside on May 7th he backed tracked recycling the popular media line ‘should have won it in March’. Being kind on Adrian, and allowing his prediction to mean ‘late March’ – so say, Unied’s last fixture in the month against Birmingham on the 18th – United will have had to have 101 points from 38 games to be sure of the title from second place Brighton on 77. Keeping results the same after that day and winning the league ‘on time’, Adrian Durham would have Rafa’s United finishing on 117 points from 138 possible.
Madley – Preston at home. You should feel silly accusing him of wanting to influence the game so Huddersfield go up. Speaking of Huddersfield….
Award for Best Timing
A half empty away end at Pride Park on 81 minutes singing ‘Newcastle United, we’re coming for you’. Seven days later United are promoted and Huddersfield lose four of their last five games. Still coming for us lads?
Most fume from a support towards United’s runaway success
So many to choose from here but I’ll got for Leeds United. Hugely ungrateful bunch Leeds. United provided their first league sell out in 12 years at Elland Road. You’d think the cash strapped Yorkshire side would have appreciated Rafa’s mags spiking local interest in football again. Even United taking the game easy in second gear and winning comfortably wasn’t appreciated. Imagine what the score would have been if we played well! Nope Leeds fans are still fuming at Rafa and United for just about everything from winning more league titles than Leeds, having more fans than Leeds, having better players than Leeds and finishing higher in the league than Leeds.
Brighton. Nice place. Nice people. Nice six points. Nice Title.
Best opposition team at SJP
Reading, according to Jaap Stam.
Worst opposition team at SJP
Preston shipped ten goals in two games and it could have been twenty so I can’t really look past them.
Dwight Gayle Award for being Mint at Footy
Best Rafa Signing
Daryl Murphy for coming against Brighton away and watching that defence shit themselves that Daryl wasn’t in the mood to be on the losing side that night.
Easiest Away win
Best Away End
Derby if I’m being inclusive cos you were probably there. The super-fan inside of me wants you to know it was Brighton because you watched it on telly.
Most Valuable Game
Huddersfield’s infamous game in hand which if won secured Champions League Qualification, such was the weight afforded to it by social media mags. ‘Aye we’re 10 points clear and really 11 with goal difference, but HUDDERSFIELD HAVE A GAME IN HAND.’
Most Newcastle United Thing to do Award
Conceding an equalising goal to ten man Hull while celebrating our winner.
Least Newcastle United Thing to do Award
Winning the league when seven points behind the leaders with three games to go
Funniest Opposition Season
Aston Villa spending £80m and finishing in the bottom half. And Leeds finishing 7th.