Man Utd winning the League Cup (but not wanting those Villa cunts to win it either) - a jackboot stamping on the face of humanity for eternity. Hello, Chat, Now Magazines. Jordan’s blow up doll sex appeal. Go Compare. Go Compare. Go and climb into a fucking coffin. Fosters Lager. Lack of bar room etiquette. Barnsley’s proto-hoolie Clone Island lads shouting “Sunderland, Sunderland” and “One Mike Ashley” on Barrack Road and happily falling into a Police Escort, job done. Fuck off, man! Simon fucking Cowell and his X Factor arse droppings. Cheryl Cole of Heaton having been lying under Ashley fucking Cole, man! The FA and the Premier League telling us everything is alright in football as Portsmouth head for oblivion. Horrible Lacoste trainers. People phoning Football Phone-Ins and telling the host something is “unacceptable”. Get her eh? No mark fucking celebrities earning more from their worthless fucking lives than a student nurse. Slimy David fucking Cameron and his lying wet lips. The shop of horrors that is a Labour Government taking an ill-equipped army into an illegal war, sacking people who care for the elderly at the same time as turning a deaf ’un to Bankers bonuses … the cunts who got us into this fucking morass in the first place. The fucking Conservative Party and every fucking utter cunt that has ever fucking voted for the cunts. And every utter cunt that will vote for the cunts. Ian Wright. The Red Knights supposedly raising £1:5bn to buy a fucking football club … Haiti, Chile, cuts in services to the poor … anyone? SKY fucking television bastards. John Terry’s jobby hair. Craig Bellamy’s new role as self appointed moral guardian of football. People who refer to the “beautiful game” or “footy” or “foota”. Stupid bastards and their ridiculous posh Geordie puff scenty-bottle accents - step forward … roll of the drums … Chris Waddle, Steve Bruce, Kevin Wheatley, Jimmy fucking Nail. Osborne fucking Road. The fucking Gate. Derek Llambias’ head-shaking logic. Me being the only fucking person on the planet that has clocked that Niall Quinn is quite obviously dying his fucking hair jet fucking black … the unbearable plastic faced prick. Its blacker than a miner’s arse-crack. The Forth only having one bar-maid who knows how to work in a bar. Yes, the little feisty looker. Sam Allardyce’s big fat head. The disturbing trend of men wearing ludicrous diamond ear studs. Promotion meaning a return to all of the over-inflated bollocks of the SKY League.
Holden Caulfield