THE OZ BLOG

by • August 27, 2013 • tf blogsComments (7)1038

During this winter, Yes its winter here when it’s Summer there, (but Christmas is still in OzblokeDecember) many Aussies have mentioned to me that I “must be happy with yer Pommie lot” referring to British sporting endeavour.

The British and Irish Lions won the whatever it was played here in Australia, Wimbledon was won by some Scottish bloke with odontophobia, and England won the Ashes..again.

And I suppose deep down I was happy, it was great to see tens of thousands of Red “lions fans” shirts walking through the streets of Brisbane and again I caught up with them in Sydney and many beers were consumed but I still don’t understand the game and nor do I want to.

I accept that Andy Murray winning Wimbledon is a great personal achievement, however I still think he had an easier route and no matter what he does I can’t help but hate him.

As for the cricket again it’s a game I’ve never really got into and don’t have a great deal of passion for, a game that can go on for 5 days and finish a draw is a waste of time in my book, however the all-day drinking sitting in the sunshine is a major plus.

So when people have said you must be a happy fella? I say no I am fucking not!  I support Newcastle United and 9/10 times they give me the sympathy look as a realisation hits them and they see the years of hurt and frustration burning in my eyes.

Therefore I have tried to avoid discussing United during ‘the summer’ and in fact this is the first time I’ve put anything down mainly because, in my opinion any words written, spoken, mimed or even thought about regarding Newcastle United are a complete and utter waste of time.  No matter what we think will happen, we will be wrong, no matter what we hope for, we will be disappointed.  During the close season how many of you reflected on last season and thought surely Ashley will learn from our flirtation with relegation and strengthen our piss thin squad? How many of you, even during your worst drink fuelled nightmare anticipated Joe Fuckin Kinnear being installed in the club? In any capacity even as tea boy? How many of you seen a bid come in for Cabaye, get refused yet he still can’t play for us? Do you see where I’m going with this?

I also stayed off Twitter because the speculation and the “in the know” tweets boil my piss, the Mike Ashley supporters enrage me, basically because I can’t believe for one minute they are actual fans.  Although I live 10,000 miles away now, I do still keep in touch with many Mags and none of them support Ashley or his decisions, so these people on Twitter trying to get us on side either have shares in Greggs or are on his payroll.  Speaking of Twitter I actually only opened an account a  couple of years ago, basically cos I wanted to see first hand what Joey Barton was having to say and not some edited fabricated bollocks that the papers were spewing out.  For me Twitter is good for having a bit of banter, being able to swear without your Mum being disappointed in you, and being able to give Michael Owen a piece of my mind.

However it can all get a bit heated in an instant, for example towards the end of December 2011, Pardew had just came out in the press saying Maiga had failed a medical so now he isn’t going to sign a striker in January, someone Tweeted that this indeed made sense lets balance the books and rebuild in the Summer, I diplomatically (I had had two bottles of wine) told this person he was a fucking idiot, needless to say this guy had 1000s of followers, had his own website and knew words like  oligarch and he basically set about destroying me mainly because I only had 97 followers and therefore I must know fuck all about football.

My argument was we needed a striker and needed to build on the good start to the season we had had and push for a European place, he suggested it would be best to avoid relegation and re-build in summer and so on went the argument (he won).  We did sign a striker that January (Cissie) and we went on to finish fifth(I won), but then maybe that was a bad thing as we didn’t strengthen in the summer and we all know what happened last season.

So for me going on Twitter for transfer speculation is a waste of time in fact the highlight for me on Twitter this ‘Summer’ was Colin being exposed as a sex pest!

So anyways back to Australia, as you can imagine it’s many of the locals and not the Pommies’ that are whinging at the moment.  Apparently the Pommies are a bunch of cheating no good bastards (that’s rich considering their ancestry) all because someone (Broad I think) decided he wasn’t out, the referee decided he wasn’t out, the video ref decided he wasn’t out, so he didn’t walk off the pitch.  Fair play in my book can you imagine Roy Keane or Joey Barton kicking the shite out of an opponent whilst the ref wasn’t looking, then just walking down the tunnel after ‘giving themselves a red’?

Australia did qualify for the World Cup though, so that is great for the game over here as it does need more exposure.  These Aussies have Footy (Rugby League) or Footy (Rugby Union) or Footy (Australian Rules) as their main sports depending on which State they live in and ‘Soccer’ is deemed as a poofs sport.

The state of origin was played out over three games, this is where two Rugby League teams are made up of players depending on which state their first professional game was for, either Queensland or New South Wales.  Before this year Queensland had won it the previous 7 times and well they won it again this year with two games to one.  I have to say this about egg chasing like, even though I’m no fan of the game it really does bring home to you, how soft some of our footballers are.  During the state of Origin one of the NSW players called Gallen got three or four quality punches into a Qld player called Myles see here

and he didn’t even get sin binned never mind sent off!  Also during the Lions Tour there were players with faces covered in blood, ears falling off and everything but never surrounded the ref whilst shouting abuse.

To celebrate the success of a Historic 8 successive winning streak, Castlemaine temporally renamed their famous XXXX beer XXXXXXXX, no matter what it’s called it still tastes like Ace.

Against my better judgement I am going to have a little say on the current situation at Newcastle United.  I won’t go into detail about my feelings on the appointment of JFK and his radio interview and all that went with it apart from What the actual fuck? Secondly nothing to do with the team but how ridiculous was it that the fans couldn’t buy the new home shirt before the first game of the season?  I didn’t get excited with all the reports of who we were going to sign as I don’t believe any of it until that player is ‘over the line’ but how ridiculous is it the only signing we have is a loanee who is currently injured for an unknown amount of time?

On Cabaye I think we all kind of knew there would be a bid for him, but we just didn’t want to believe it and clung to the hope that Ashley wouldn’t sell, regardless of that it is fucking mind boggling that just because a (insulting) bid comes in for him we don’t play him against Man City.

It makes me wonder what is the point of pre-season? What is the point of friendlies? Isn’t this when we are trying out formations, set pieces, giving players roles etc?  So Arsenal make an offer and the club decides not to play him in case he gets injured and therefore we lose money but keep a quality player, then a week later with still no revised bid in for him we still don’t play him against West Ham, a game incidentally we didn’t have one shot on target…not one.  Now I don’t believe we would have got anything from the City game (unlike Cardiff did this morning…fucking Cardiff for fuck sake) but with Cabaye on the pitch I’m sure we stood a better chance of getting 3 points against West Ham.  So yes Cabaye doesn’t get injured but we only get one point, how important will those two points be at the end of the season in our current plight?

Finally back to Jolly Joe Kinnear, I’m sure you all saw the ‘interview’ with The Mirror where he states “Before the season started, we had sat down and agreed the squad was big enough, and strong enough, to finish in the top half of the table”.  Now someone correct me if I am wrong, didn’t this idiot state in his infamous Talk Sport Interview that the reason he was brought in, was because he is a football man, who can bring in quality players to the club, all he has to do is ring up any manager or chairman in the world who will sell him a player?  So if the squad is big enough why do we need him? Surely with his expertise he would be better off working as a freelance scout or players’ agent.   Why does the flash little twat have to say they were flown to Nice and picked up by private helicopter transfer to Ashley’s private yacht? Are we meant to feel sorry for the idiot?

The closest I come to a private helicopter is when I’m half pissed and trying to get the wife excited by lobbing me cock oot and making it spin around!   He says he sat and listened to both Mike and Alan and the next stage of Newcastle United and where we wanted to go……however he declines to state where that is!

Anyways I have just done what I didn’t want to do and waste my time on this snot ball, I hope I am proven wrong in the next week but I doubt it, I can’t see why anyone would want to join us, unless it’s for money and I can’t see why the likes of Cabaye would want to stay, when we lack structure, stability and ambition.

I know it’s getting harder by the second but keep the faith!

MARTIN WILCOX 

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7 Responses to THE OZ BLOG

  1. Greeny's Guitar says:

    Martin,
    I really can’t believe that you are on the other side of the world.
    Reading your report was like sitting in the Bulls talking face to face. You’re light years away but the pain seems to be the same as being here at home. I loved the bit about the Aussies thinking you’ll be happy with our nations sporting successes then giving you the sympathy when you tell them who you support. I have noticed that people from other parts of the UK have started to give the sympathy look with an understanding shake of the head. It’s not that long ago they would have just laughed their cocks off but now it’s pity.
    Do you not know any Aussie trillionaires who want a challenge?

    • Greeny says:

      Mate you have no idea, I got my (now) 9 year old stepson into the club I played at and I coached them etc, and most of the kids have skill, control etc but when they reach 12, 13 they all fuck off and play rugby!!! mad bastards.

  2. Poz says:

    Hi mate,
    I’m in Aus too. If you know any mags based on, or near the central coast (just an hour north of Sydney), let me know.
    Just after someone who fancies a few beers watching the game.

  3. steve McGill says:

    Ahh….the good old ‘helicopter’ move.

    second favourite only to the ‘elephant trick’

  4. Zoo says:

    Marty, another good column but surely you came closer to a helicopter when Novo gave you the special treat in The Sports Cafe. I can still see the look on your face.
    Hope you’re well out there mate!

    P.S do you still wear the Noel Edmonds shirts?