MATCH REPORT: Stoke City 1 Newcastle United 0, Britannia Stadium, KO: 3:07pm, 12/Apr/14, Att: 27,400

by • April 12, 2014 • Match reportsComments (8)978

How shit must you be if “you’ve only scored once”. That would be my general assessment of StokeApril14Stoke City’s performance, having promised my Mam I’d swear less in this report, I may have to hold back on assessing ours.

Now, before going on to the match thank God I’ve woke up this morning and I’m not in Stoke. What a backwards place that is. The whole persona of the town is unaccommodating and time warped. Not letting people into a pub past 2:30 – what the flying fuck is that all about? Every time I’ve came to Stoke and it’s been a 3pm ko I’ve been treated like I was looking for trouble, which like the vast majority our lot I’m most certainly not.

The day started with a breakfast in Manc with a few of Leazes Enders that I sit with before heading back to 1981 and Stoke. Jealously was rife on our train as a load of Wigan were on their way to Wembley for the 3rd time in a year (Not that it really counts but they’ll be there in May n all). Wigan at Wembley Newcastle United at Stoke, that just isn’t right.

Once getting to Stoke we were informed to head to the Terrace bar, which was full of Mags, where our piss poor songbook was sung throughout. Also, I know this seems to be a big sore point amongst our younger lot but why do we have such a massive dick-head element? 16 year old lads acting the big un in the boozer head to toe in e-Bay designer clobber. If I’d acted like that when I was that age I would have got a clip off my old man and rightly fucking so.

On to the match which was another woeful showing from United that lacked desire, skill or tactics. The team lined up in what they’d like to claim was a 3-5-2, God knows what it was but certainly wasn’t that, with Shola and Cisse leading the line. First 20 minutes were dominated by Stoke who hit the post through Crouch. Even Stoke try and play better football than us. How fuck is that clown still in a job?

On to Pardew and throughout the game ‘We Want Pardew Out’ was quite loudly sung, as well as banners held as seen on the box. However, some including one bloke in a Wonga top and tracksuit seemed to think Ashley’s the problem and nobody else could do better. Well I’m sorry but that doesn’t wash with me. This is a man who doesn’t play Ben Arfa or another one of our technically superior players in Marvaeux. He’s played Cisse wide right as much as he has centre forward and most importantly he doesn’t get US.

There’s a lot of debate of who would work for Ashley but I’m confident that we could get someone in. There’s a chap at Wigan who I’d very much like in the hotseat in NE1. I’ve had a vast experience of Pardew having been brought up in Reading, Pardew’s first club, where at first he was seen as a forward thinking coach. That was 12 years ago and the bloke is so ignorant that he hasn’t moved with the times. I feel I’d be right in saying the vast majority want him out.

Back to the game and to be honest fuck all happened. Stoke scored through a cross where Krul should have done better, the bloke looks beyond fed up doesn’t he?

We also had a stonewall penalty shout turned down and Dan Gosling, again anonymous throughout, missed a sitter. In the 2nd half we huffed a lot but created absolutely sweet FA. Anita, someone explain what the lad does please, missed a great chance to equalise late on after a cracking cross from Shola. That was it in terms of football for the day. The players were booed off with Colo moving quicker to get down the tunnel then he had all afternoon. The anger shown in the support shows how many of us will always give a fuck – anyway roll on summer.

Keep the faith and Pardew Out. 

Their Support: Backwards thank fuck I don’t live there.

Our Support: Disillusioned


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8 Responses to MATCH REPORT: Stoke City 1 Newcastle United 0, Britannia Stadium, KO: 3:07pm, 12/Apr/14, Att: 27,400

  1. Horse's Knob says:

    Also, I know this seems to be a big sore point amongst our younger lot but why do we have such a massive dick-head element? 16 year old lads acting the big un in the boozer head to toe in e-Bay designer clobber

    Have to agree with this, I too was subject to the antics of these crazy fuckers, all badly cut cocaine and inability to hold their drink. Time to call these twats The Ice Cream firm methinks & I was half-hoping that Stoke’s boys would turn up and teach them a lesson or four, not that it would take long, nor indeed many bodies. It’s bad enough supporting NUFC these days without these plastic hooligans/dressers doing nowt for our reputation.
    I can see a few of this lot getting clumped in the near future, it’s not like they’re going to fight back like.
    As for the match, as to be expected. As for Pardew the weasel’s comments, also to be expected.
    P/S, how the fuck is that tub of lard Andy Woodman employed by a sporting institution?
    He’s twice the size of Charlie Adam and he was out of breath taking ‘corners’ at Krul in the pre-game warm up. I say taking corners but they hardly threatened the 18 yard box and one has to think that he’s doubling up the goalkeeping coach gig with special responsibility for set pieces, although to Woodman a set piece is probably a 9 course lunch. Fat bastard!

  2. mikey says:

    I don’t know why you;re always giving the younger lot grief to be honest. I’m not one of them, knocking on for 40 now, but to be honest most of them are aalreet. Sometimes have a bit crack with them and they seem respectful of the older lads. Aye, they’ve got some front, but loads of us did at that age.

    At least they are there. I think they stand out like a sore thumb because so many younguns cannot afford to go anymore. I would hate for us to become an anti-youngun support.

  3. Mark says:

    Well, at least our defence was 4 times better than it was last week – we only let in one goal. Christ, what a depressing joke.

  4. Alex Hurst says:

    One of the worst games ever for me following United and summed up nicely by this report. It sounds melodramatic but there just wasn’t the pain felt when Stoke scored or the final whistle went. We are fucking shit.

    A larger and larger proprtion of the away support are more interested in being aggressive towards other NUFC fans and as the author of this report mentions young lads acting like pricks in boozers etc – many of them old enough to know better and far older than 16.

    It’s not only putting off me but several lads I know from attending away games.

    Then again maybe I’m looking for excuses not to go and watch the shite served up by the ‘team’.

  5. Jack McLane says:

    I don’t want to sound as I’m pigeon holing all the young uns, I go to every away and most are a credit our club. Some on Saturday were just wanting act the big un and as mentioned if I behaved like that I would still get a slap off my old man.

  6. Callum Harmison says:

    As a young person I find the criticism very harsh. So people want to spend money and wear decent gear, does it really matter? Is this worse in than blokes aged 30-40 dressed head to toe in Wonga? The young element has always been a backbone in our away support. They tend to be the ones coming up with the new songs and actually making an effort whereas the s older/middle aged generation are more focused in turning atmospheres poisonous home and away.

  7. Jack McLane says:

    I’m only 24, so hopefully I’m still classed as young. I just don’t get why 13 year old kids want to act and dress like Danny Dyer ! Be a kid FFS. I agree the young uns are the future but I feel the new array of songs some of our younger element sing are shit. Also, more lads seem more arsed about getting pissed out of their skull than they’re about the match. Its a shame the original L7 corner went as I felt that had the perfect mix between young and old.