MATCH REPORT: Newcastle United 5 Tottenham 1, St James’ Park, 15/May/16, KO: 3pm, PL, Att: 52,183.

by • May 15, 2016 • Match reportsComments (32)5318

TRUE15 LUKE 1977 Voucher (1)




Christ, where do you go with this report?  We lined up on a glorious May afternoon in front of a lively SJP and put in probably our best performance of the season to say goodbye to the Premier League in style but leave a horribly sour taste in the mouth.  We started with Mitrovic and Steven Taylor restored to the starting line up against a Spurs side competing for second place but almost from the off, we were by far the superior team.

The crowd were noisy from the word go, giving Rafa no doubt as to their desire to see him stay and, 37 games too late, we won every challenge and seemed totally up for it.  We took the lead on twenty minutes with a perfectly crafted goal, when Mitrovic cushioned a Sissoko pass to the onrushing Wijnaldum to stroke home.  A fine goal fashioned from a trio of total charlatans.  With the sun beating down on us and the crowd getting noisier and noisier, we extended our lead a few minutes before the break when Mitrovic got up to steer a header from a Townsend cross past Lloris.  The winger can hold his head up high after impressing since coming to NE1 unlike the majority of his teammates, more on the scorer to follow.

Half time felt almost surreal, easily ahead of the runners up in the league and we looked to be coasting before they pulled Rafa3one back on the hour.  Lamela got it, beating Darlow at his near post with a fierce shot off the post, although the keeper would be disappointed and despite barely threatening, Spurs saw the game swing in their direction when we were reduced to ten men with Mitrovic sent off for a stamp on Walker.  It was a totally unnecessary reaction with the ball long gone and I’d struggle to sum up my contempt for our seven figure signing if I knocked out another two thousand words here.  The red card summed him up – classless, cowardly and to coin a phrase from round my way as soft as fucking clarts.  He’s not a hard man, he’s not a cult hero, he’s a piss poor carthorse who has stunk the fucking place out this season – a dreadful signing who should be one of the first out of the door this summer.  Mitro’s on fire?  Mitro’s a wanker.  Fuck off.

The next ten minutes was as surreal as we’v ever seen at SJP as instead of crumbling, we went on to score three more with ten men in a party atmosphere against a Spurs side that had to be seen to be believed.  The first came from the spot when Sissoko was chopped down in the area.  Wijnaldum stepped up to coolly slot home, although I felt slightly sick to see him applauded off with a hero’s goodbye moments later.  He’s been a bastard disgrace since Christmas and I can’t wait to see the shot of him, never mind cheering the fucker off.  His replacement, Aarons extended our leave even further when he smashed home a Townsend shot which came back off the post and the ground was bouncing by this point.

We capped an unbelievable performance moments after the fourth when Janmaat dashed forward to steer a ball past Lloris into the far corner although you’ll have to forgive me for not getting carried away in the celebrations of another player who has let us down badly this season.  Prior to these two goals, we’d seen Sissoko subbed off to a standing ovation from the bulk of the crowd.  What can you say?  I’ll not make many friends by saying this, but I can’t believe our fans sometimes.  Sissoko?  Jesus fucking Christ man, howay?  Are you that fucking fickle?  The bloke has taken the piss for the thick end of the past three year, but all’s forgiven because he’s got his finger out in a nothing game when we’re already relegated?

The game ended with the ground ringing to Rafa chants, but I’ll be frank, I left feeling totally hollow. If anything, I felt as annoyed walking down Stowell Street as I had against Bournemouth a few weeks before.  We’ve got a side made up of players I largely hate – talented but devoid of any responsibility or thought towards the people that blindly support them week after week.  It’s an odd state of mind – our biggest win in God knows how long against a supposedly top team and I just want shot of the cunts for the next few months.  Relegation in it’s itself means nowt really, what difference does it make who we play, what loss will it be if Mike Ashley loses a fortune?  If it rids us of all but a couple of this team, then it’s a price worth paying.  As for Rafa, well it’s up to him isn’t it?  He knows he’s wanted and if he doesn’t stay then I won’t think any less of him – thanks for giving it a crack and all that.  To be brutally honest, I was embarrassed by today on more than one level and the sooner we get back to just being Newcastle United the better.

Have a great summer and thanks for reading TF this year.  Bring on the Championship.

Newcastle United – Darlow 6, Janmaat 7, Mbemba 7, Taylor 7, Dummett 7, Tiote 7 (Shelvey 6), Colback 7,SISSOKO 8 (Sterry n.a), Wijnaldum 8 (Aarons 7), Townsend 7, Mitrovic 4

Ref – Taylor – 7 – No complaints

Our Fans – 9 – Tragically loyal

Their Fans – 7 – Loads of them in town, felt like a proper following albeit with a good smattering of wankers.




Our issue of our matchday newsletter, The Special covering this game is still available for you. To get it, just click here.

Of course we do have the current issue of true faith (TF125) available for your pleasure. This issue is already the most widely read edition of true faith we have ever published. It is 120 pages of the best fanzine writing in the country. It is by some distance Newcastle United’s number one fanzine but it is also the most widely read, independent, fans’-led supporters’ publication in the UK. It is available in 100% digital format and it is also absolutely FREE.

To get at this issue, just click on the image below.

We all hope you enjoy it.



Related Posts

32 Responses to MATCH REPORT: Newcastle United 5 Tottenham 1, St James’ Park, 15/May/16, KO: 3pm, PL, Att: 52,183.

  1. Steve says:

    Well thats supporting Newcastle summed up nicely in one game…

  2. Joe Hawkins says:

    Well the season is finally over and it was just typical of Newcastle to come up with a performance like that.
    To win 5-1 with ten men against a side who were title challengers sums this club up to a tee !
    They finished with a flourish leaving you with the feeling of what if they had put that much effort into every game they played then they would have been nowhere near the bottom three.
    There was also a feel good factor with the fans doing their bit to chant Rafa into staying put at the helm.

    If only it were that easy with Ashley and Charnley negotiating with Rafa it will probably turn into an unmitigating…
    You can just see that feel good factor being wiped out within the next few days after Rafa has spoken to The Anthill Mob and they do not give him what he wants.
    As always with Ashley you have to read between the lines for the truth with todays worrying story from his preferred media partner “The Mirror.”
    Neil Warnock is apparently being lined up to take over if Rafa doesn’t take the bait !
    Some will say this cannot happen but we have known Ashley and his minions long enough to know that this ilk of manager will suit them down to the ground.

    It has become the norm at Newcastle with the : “The Stooge Is Dead, Long Live The Stooge”, So I wouldn’t put it past them to do that very thing and give the odious Mr Warnock the gig.
    Either way I cannot see Benitez still being in the hot seat come the start of The Trampionship Campaign !

  3. mikey says:

    It certainly does…more please Rafa

  4. Andy bee says:

    Proud of all there today , and all not there. Too much talk this season of should I stay or should I go ( song in there somewhere) f8ck it we’re all toon fans with the club at heart bollix to ashley and bollix to splitting our support . We could be great with the right leadership and manager you got a sniff of immortality today señor Benitez get ashley over that barrel and lead us forward. As for the f’kin numb bastads down the road they should brush up on their German ……and yes we will meet again ( aufwiedersehen) …..stupid bastads you couldn’t make it up hahaha so a plane from the land of the dammed wishes us promotion?!

  5. Bob says:

    God knows where that came from! My best guess is the land of Rafa. Makem on 606 exstatic that they had survived and wanted big sham knighted, yea right finished 4th bottom 2 points above us, in relegation zone most of Allardyce reign ( most of season) after several seasons down there and only saved by points from us but still delighted with that.

  6. mikey says:

    Oh what a bitter Match of the Day

    • Pat Hughes says:

      Our fault. We were supposed to be subdued, sobbing and generally glum but we certainly weren’t and the BBC had no time to change Lineker’s script. Left the ground smiling and upbeat and longing to recapture the magical moments in the evening but MOTD had other plans – shouldn’t expect anything else from that biased bunch.

  7. Martin says:

    Spot on Gareth, you’re always watching the same game as me.

    Clapping Sissoko was unbelievable, nearly as bad as the east stand clapping our players after we got beat off Bournmouth

  8. Dai says:

    I totally agree with your points about Sissoko, Gini and Janmaat. I was amazed by the reception they got. I did think in hindsight it showed our loyalty to the club and to Rafa. Everyone was so keen for it to be sunshine and rainbows for him we suspended reality. It does show though, that if you have one good game and run about a lot, people here will forgive you most things. In reality those three should be hounded out of town and their reception amazed me. Disagree about Mitro but that’s just personal perception. His performance summed him up. Hard working, capable, but ultimately fruitless and stupid. I do like his attitude though. He seems to care. I’d rather 100 of him than the likes of Gini, Sissoko and Janmaat, I hope they never wear black and white again.

  9. Tim says:

    I agree Mitrovic hasn’t lived up to his price tag but I think you’ve been particularly harsh on him. If he’d cost the same as Perez I don’t think you’d have as much of a problem. He is essentially in the same bracket as Perez, the price tag was bigger because he’s scored champions league goals. He’s only just 21 years old and has potential, nothing more at this stage. You talk about him as though he’s a seasoned professional who’s let himself down by not scoring 25+ goals and keeping us in the league. Its pretty obvious the challenge was dreadful and there’s no defending it but it’s happened a million times before and if he’s still behaving like that in 2 years time then questions need to be asked. He has been a disappointment this season but I’d be inclined to save my hatred for players such as Janmaat, Collocini and Sissoko, experienced professionals who literally play when they feel like it and constantly have one foot out of the door.

    • Liam says:

      Totally agree with this.

    • Rob says:

      He’s OK, and that’s about it. He’s suffered from the fact that he’s been our ‘main striker’ at a ridiculously young age and in a league he’s unfamiliar with. It’s a problem with recruitment as well as a personal issue. But compare him with Andy Carroll after the same number of games for us… regardless of their respective records/stats (which I haven’t looked up), I was much more impressed by Carroll when I watched him come through.

  10. mick says:

    Get rid of the lot …its their fault we are down. No excuses. Can see another has been yes man in charge next season. Cashley will keep the merry go round spinning. Either Warnock/Bruce fit the bill. Well if 50k still turn up what will change?

  11. Ross says:

    Agree completely with all the comments. The bloke sticking the V’s up at Janmatt when he scored summed my feelings up as well! I didn’t celebrate either or applaud them off the pitch as it felt wrong. It was the angriest I had been at game when we won!
    On Mitro, I am getting sick of him faking injury more than anything. Hes done that a few times this season and its embarrassing. He needs to learn how to play with passion and aggression without stepping over the mark and then he could be a top player but he needs some proper coaching on the mental side of things

  12. Clocktoys says:

    The mission for our supporters was to sing their hearts out for Rafa and that was accomplished in some style. No sobbing on the Tyne for the media to air ad nauseum and I’m very pleased about that. We can only hope against hope that MA realises the golden opportunity Benitez offers, and doesn’t throw it away in favour of another hapless yes man. Genuine hope or utter chaos and meltdown? Which will Mike choose?

  13. SteveP says:

    Wasn’t it a Sissoko cross for Mitrovic’s goal???

  14. Ken Brown says:

    Best match report I’ve read in a hell of a long time……and I wasn’t even there!!!

  15. Rob says:

    Mitro is the George Reilly of the modern Newcastle era. A goal every three games striker, good in the air but painfully slow and easy to mark.

  16. Ian Summers says:

    I think Mitrovic should be judged on his age as much as his transfer fee, he has contributed more this season than Perez but where is the vitriol towards him? Today was about letting Benitez know what he could be responsible for and the crowd did an excellent job in doing that. I’d rather be part of 50000+ determined to enjoy their day than part of an Arsenal/Man U/Spurs crowd stropping and throwing their toys out their prams at only finishing in the top 5 and not winning the league. Their best season in years and most the Spurs fans left early?

    • Rob says:

      Mitrovic is well behind where Carroll was at his age. Pace, athleticism, attitude, footballing intelligence, aerial presence and finishing. I’m not saying he won’t come good.

      • colin McCabe says:

        It was Andy’s season In the championship that made him tho and he didn’t come in from a foreign league with high expectations.

  17. Rob says:

    I’m fairly indifferent to Mitrovic, but those who say that he’ll do well in the Championsgip should consider this:
    He isn’t half the player Andy Carroll was at his age.

  18. mikey says:

    Yeah Mitro, starts with red, end withs a red, although I think Rafa sees something in him , yeah Collochini and Jamaat , sissoko can fuck right off, And to think at the beginning I thought Sissoko was our Yaya Toure how deluded was I …

  19. Andy bee says:

    Don’t think mitro will be on fire in any league full stop agree with Michael …….bell end . Prove me wrong Serb warlord we love the toon but we aren’t on fire…….

  20. Andy bee says:

    Ps = ian summers either you drink too much to be sensible or you are a f’kin black cat…….in the spirit of not insulting any fellow fan have a great summer of blue pop and cheesy chips

  21. Bob says:

    I agree on Colo and Sissoko, Janmatt a little less as he has shown consistency in the past although he has lost his way this season, maybe he is just sick of the crap generally served up by his teammates. I’m prepared to give Gini some leeway as its his first season in the prem although he is an international with a good pedigree. If kept I would want to see a great improvement in consistency. He has quick feet and football brain. Mitro, I haven’t a clue about him. Will he come good? He did look as if he had goals in him but lacks experience and a mentor, is slow in pace and thought but maybe that can be coached. If Rafa stays, fingers crossed and praying, I expect to see an improvement in everything and everyone.

  22. Carl says:

    ”I was embarrassed by today on more than one level and the sooner we get back to just being Newcastle United the better”

    What an utterly ridiculous sentence that is…

  23. Jamie Spencer says:

    Totally concur with your assessment. I pray that we recruit players with more backbone, who are motivated by the very fact they are playing for NUFC in future. Too many embarrasments who you rightly highlight. I can’t get enthusiastic about the Spurs result other than it may help get Rafa to stay- i hope so. If i’d been a player my head would have been bowed in shame walking off teh pitch at the end. I just don’t get ho w they can take themselves seriously!

  24. mikey says:

    I thought it was imperative that the atmosphere was noisy and supportive, rather than bitter and hostile to players who have, as you say been a disgrace. No matter what, it was necessary to create that atmosphere.

    I applauded Sissoko off, not because i like what he’s done for us, but because for me the atmosphere needed to be positive if we were to do our small part in persuading Rafa to stay, And by the sounds of it, it has worked.

  25. mikey says:

    All the scripts had been written (‘a subdued st James’ park’) before the game, and were repeated on MotD and 5live. It was nice to show there narrative to be utter bollocks by lifting the roof off.

  26. bean says:

    Why did you bother going to the game??? What did you want to see from the team? I certainly wasn’t expecting that performance or result but I go to the games to hopefully see the team put a shift in and play a bit of decent football. Correct, they’ve been shite all season but FFS I’m not going to go home angry just because they managed to put in one decent performance.