MATCH REPORT: Newcastle United 1 Stoke City 1, St James’ Park, 8/Feb/15, KO: 2:05pm, Premier League. Att: 47,763

by • February 8, 2015 • Match reportsComments (10)1466

I had a moment this morning when I was out in the park with my bairns, it was sunny, westokefeb were having a lovely time and I checked my watch and realised that I had to go and get the Metro to the match.  You know where this is going, but I dragged myself off thinking ‘Aah, I might be pleasantly surprised’ but mainly thinking ‘Fucking hell, howay man, you’ve got to go’.  I wish I’d stayed an extra couple of hours in the park with them – my day went downhill the moment I left.

I’ll do my best to polish a turd and pad out a match review for you so in interests of statistical accuracy, we started with the same side that trounced possibly the worst team I’ve EVER seen at this level last weekend and thankfully Stoke left Crouch on the bench from the start.  It was also cold.

The first half was, as so many games are at SJP these days, garbage.  Two mediocre teams adidaspreordersounding each other out with neither really committing to attack and neither providing any real quality to unlock each others defences.  Cabella was bright for us again and looked the most likely to create anything but with Perez again hideously isolated up front and feeding off scraps.  Cabella of all people got a header in which Begovic saved without knowing too much about it and Ayoze managed a low shot, from a Cabella pass that went not far wide but they had probably the best chance of the half when an offside looking Moses  headed to force a reaction save from Krul.  As I said earlier though, that’s padding things out – in a ‘normal’ match, the chances probably wouldn’t even merit comment – the game was just so unbelievably dull, they provided the ‘highlights’ of the half.

The second was barely any better.  Stoke had by far the better of the opening exchanges and possibly sensed there were three points there for the taking.  They were getting on top in midfield – I thought Colback was awful before his goal and Anita – Jesus Christ man, I totally forgot he was on the field until he was subbed off on the hour for Cisse.  For all of Stoke’s possession, they only really forced one meaningful save from Krul in the 20 minutes or so they were on top – again a header, this time from Diouf.  There were murmurings of unrest when Cabella was withdrawn for Obertan and with the dreadful Sammy left on the pitch, it was an odd substitution.

Shortly after that, Colback miraculously stayed on the pitch after a wild tackle on Moses SirLes2having already being booked and I was surprised that they didn’t appeal for his dismissal more than they did and it was to cost them just after as he put us ahead.  A decent pullback from Obertan found Sissoko in the box and he did very well to regain his footing having slipped to tee up Colback to finish smartly off the post.  We then had two great chances to kill the game off, with an Ireland goal disallowed for offside sandwiched in between.  First, Sissoko burst forward and played what looked like a poor ball in to the onrushing Obertan.  He still managed to bring it down and round the keeper but with the ground willing him to put the bloody ball in the back of the net, he rolled a terrible pass square to Sissoko which was easily cleared.  Then, Ayoze wriggled inside about three of their defenders before blazing high into the Gallowgate with the goal at his mercy.

Inevitably, we succumbed to substitute Crouch and it was a shocker of a goal to concede, tf118_cover_ipadstarting with Obertan in their corner playing a backwards ball that then went through a sequence of passes where it looked like we were attacking our own goal, a shite backpass from the shite Williamson, a shite clearance from Krul and a long ball to the back post exposing some shite marking from Janmaat, resulting in a looping header from beanpole Crouch, leaving Krul’s shite, flatfooted effort to save the ball redundant despite a last gasp effort to clear from Coloccini.  Honestly, it was shite.

If you’d only seen the last quarter of an hour, you might have been conned into thinking this was an entertaining match.  It really, really wasn’t.  The fans aren’t conned by what they are being fed and the fact you could have heard a pin drop before we were booed off the pitch tells you all you need to know.  Like the team, like the owner, I can’t really be bothered with the rest of the season.  Can you?

Keep the Faith

Newcastle United – Krul 5, Janmaat 3, Coloccini 6, Williamson 5, Haidara 6, Sissoko 6, Anita 4 (Cisse 5), Colback 6, Sammy 3 (Abeid n/a), CABELLA 6 (Obertan 5), Perez 6

Ref – Friend – 5 – We were lucky to end up with eleven and arguably they were too.

Our Fans – 2 – As bad as I’ve seen SJP in many a year.  The club don’t give a fuck about us and it is becoming reciprocal

Their Fans – 7 – Delilah is a shite song but they were better than they usually are




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10 Responses to MATCH REPORT: Newcastle United 1 Stoke City 1, St James’ Park, 8/Feb/15, KO: 2:05pm, Premier League. Att: 47,763

  1. Alan says:

    I was given sky sports free for 3 months just recently from Virgin media for staying with them.
    I tuned in about 15 minutes after kick off having forgotten that 11 transient commodities dressed in black and white were playing football.
    I honestly thought that people had finally seen sense and stopped giving the fat cunt their money.
    For at least a 10 to 15 minute period it was literally like there was no one in the ground. You could hear a pin drop.
    Welcome to soulless word of Sports Direct F.C.

  2. Greeny's Guitar says:

    Apathetic, indifferent, dispassionate, lethargic, listless, dull, emotionless etc. etc. etc.
    All these adjectives have for years described what has been going on at our club.
    Unfortunately they now apply to the crowd.
    “As you sow so shall you reap.”
    Well done Ashley. You’ve won.

  3. Pat Hughes says:

    Well done – it was a dull one. So dull in fact we ‘5 in a row’ leavers started planning our farewell do at the end of May. What sandwiches to bring (prawn of course) what tipples, should we treat ourselves to a banner or two bidding farewell to our home of many years, should we dress as clowns – the options seemed endless. I knew as soon as Crouch came on he would score and he did. He is ridiculously high, along with many of his team mates. That was it for me and I committed the cardinal sin of leaving a few minutes early – something I’ve slagged others off for mercilessly over the years. I had this comforting thought that a bus might be waiting for me but no even they’ve stopped performing this season. It’s odd but a good performance inside SJP provided a warm inner glow and wards off the bitter cold on Barrack Road as we hopped around excitedly chatting about the game – that doesn’t happen any more, no-one talks any more 🙁

  4. Keiron Young says:

    Sammy wasn’t that bad mind.

  5. Stephen says:

    I left the house at 13:40 hours (half hour bus ride to Barrack Rd) and was back in the house before Crouch equalised.

    Best part of the day, pre match standing at the bus stop on a crisp winter’s day with my eyes shut, the sun beating on my face and the peaceful silence.

    I did the same in the East Stand for a while (shut my eyes with the sun beating on my face in peaceful silence all around me).

    Its all f*cked.

    Carver the coach ? ha, has offered nothing against some pretty damn rubbish opposition of late. We had a corner late in the first half in the Leazes West corner that we took with no-one in the box and no-one seemingly ready, absolutely shocking.

    He’s already using the excuse that we’ve got a group of random young nationalities and it’s difficult, eh ?? They’ve all been here long enough now to know the drill. You are the coach John, they are footballers brought together by club policy. Coach them mate.


  6. Ant says:

    I haven’t seen too many Stoke games this year (or at any point throughout my life), but the ones I have witnessed have been footballing atrocities. Yes, it is problematic that we could not raise our game above the level of this bunch of clowns, but I bet you Stoke could drive Barcelona to long balls. I am beginning to resent this attitude towards our players who can’t do right by us: beat the snot out of Hull and they are told it was worthless (never mind that Hull pushed Man City all the way a week later). Draw against a scrappy draw specialist like Stoke and they are chumps.

    Ashley leads a charmed life: first he had Pardew absorbing the criticism from the stands, now he’s going to start burning players.

  7. Ian Summers says:

    Contrast this match report with the one for the North Shields game and perhaps a solution to our problems becomes obvious?

  8. Mick says:

    I don’t think Obertan was at fault for their goal. He was boxed in by three players and kept possession. He gave the ball to Abeid who could have turned forward but chose not to he passed short to Williamson who also could have turned forward but chose not to instead giving a dreadful pass to Krul. This safety first, lets defend deep, attitude is depressing especially at home and especially against opposition like Stoke. Carver should take full responsibility for this debacle.

  9. mikey says:

    We’re a mid-table business plan with a crowd full of ageing season ticket holders who only eel going to get an afternoon out on the beer.

    Atmosphere is the worst i have ever known it in my life.

    As a club we are completely dead and buried,

  10. Banksie says:

    To start, this is not a criticism or reflection on anyone who is sticking with their season ticket, I have nowt but admiration for your dedication to the cause.

    I, however, am done.

    I hoyed in my season ticket after the Southampton game, which was well over-due. I’m filled with the same apathy that now populates most of the ground; most of the time. I have now become an armchair supporter, soon I’ll be a ‘read the match-report’ supporter, then an ‘asked my uncle about the game’ supporter then finally ‘not a’ supporter. It’s taken me a while to turn it in but watching the match yesterday did nothing to reignite my feeling for watching the glorious black and whites… thanks Mike. A lot of what MA does in business is based on who he can piss off in the process. Anyone who knows why MA and Dave Whelan aren’t bosom buddies will testify to that.

    We are stuck with him for a lot longer than those with a Scottish based hope believe, in my opinion. As long as we are and Premier League team he’ll keep some sort of interest in NUFC and you can bet your bottom dollar that he’ll have ‘an interest’ still in NUFC as long as cold blood runs through his money hungry veins. My prediction is IF Rangers get up ‘this season or next’ to coin a phrase from the NUFC ownership statement earlier this year. He’ll take full control of them, keep the commercial interest in NUFC (sales on website, certain advertising benefits…) and just keep us at arms length. Don’t forget we still owe him money for bailing up out as well as an ‘interest free’ loan.

    Not that I think my self imposed exile will rid us of the bogey man, the value of the turnstile is dwarfed now by the TV revenue streams flooding into the English game. The working class game is a distant memory, swallowed up by the monster that is ‘The EPL’. In all honesty I think MA will only leave 100% if;

    a) There is a offer so huge, so ridiculous that it’s worth him taking it
    b) Fans take to a sustained campaign of guerrilla tactics which inconvenience Sky etc.
    c) He dies

    Sit tight; it could get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better.

    Sorry to depress anyone, I’m normally a bright and breezy type but this town is dragging me down.

    Keep aahad!