Another miserable afternoon in an increasingly febrile atmosphere saw our rotten football club drift ever closer to the relegation places and fans’ patience at absolute zero. After acting like a total cunt towards him over the last few weeks, Carver brought Gutierrez back into the starting line up and despite no organised boycott this week, there were empty seats all over SJP – I would put it at around 10,000 empty and miles off the official attendance.
On entering the ground, my fatha was pulled aside by a steward who I can only describe as fucking gormless and told that he couldn’t take his red card, distributed by Ashleyout.com into the ground. When he politely asked what the legal basis of being denied entry with the card, the scruffy twat claimed that it was a ‘breach of the peace’. Might check that one out. I’d have been more than happy to turn around and leave at that point, but buoyed by the fact I had another half dozen in my pocket, I bit my lip and trudged up to my seat.
The first twenty minutes was played at a pace and in an atmosphere that would have made a pre-season friendly look like the Champions League final. Swansea clearly weren’t arsed, bar Colback and Gutierrez, we clearly weren’t arsed and it was only through a comedy piece of defending that we surprisingly took the lead. Riviere did well to outpace his man and put over a good cross, albeit one that should have been easily dealt with. Amat made a complete hash of it though and left Perez with a tap-in to an empty net, which he gleefully took. The kid is one of barely any bright points this season and it was good to see him get a goal that his graft this season merited.
The game quickly settled back into a stupefying coma, livened up only by the 34th minute, when I would say 90% of the ground got to their feet, many brandishing red cards – fuck you, East Stand steward gimp. Swansea equalised in added time at the end of the half. Olivera got the goal for them straight from a corner, totally unmarked but the timing of it was symptomatic of our malaise. We’ve conceded loads of goals this season (well, we’ve just conceded loads of goals this season full stop, but..) in the first or last couple of minutes of a half and it is simply down to the fact that we are poorly drilled, poorly coached and frankly not bothered.
As if to emphasise the point, they went ahead shortly after the break, when Sigurdsson took advantage of some shocking defending – trademark shit clearance from Krul, trademark loss of ball in midfield, trademark ease of playing the ball straight through us into the box – so, so simple. Talking of simple, there was a moment shortly after that which won’t make the match reports which summed up our side when Olivera, not the sharpest off the mark dummied Williamson, who was a good four yards behind him standing like a fucking goon, to easily nip round the other side of him and bear down on goal. Honestly, I’m embarrassed watching that clown – he was arguably culpable for their third shortly after that when he did that stupid tiptoe run down the line chasing their winger who managed to compose himself long enough from pissing himself laughing to slip the cross through his legs for Cork to tap the ball in. Total joke.
I was away at that point but I can confirm from watching MOTD that de Jong scored a neat volley as a consolation and I can also confirm from catching up with the reports that I am dying for someone to take Carver up on his offer, hop over the hoardings and knock the prick clean out. Seems to have a love for acting the big man and shouting and swearing at women and bairns doesn’t he? I’d reckon there’s a good few thousand Mags would be happy to oblige you, John. One of us? Fucking wanker – that’s not a kneejerk reaction to his pathetic attempts at management at us, Leeds, Sheff United and Toronto by the way, he’s been a total bellend for years – plenty of stories to tell on that score, don’t worry about that.
I can’t think of a more fitting conclusion to this report than the text I sent my fatha tonight after we’d both headed off from The Forth – ‘Worst time I can ever remember following them. Even in the ‘bad old days’ of the late 80’s, the whole experience was million times better – proper grounds, proper fans and the excitement of it being properly edgy. It’s heartbreaking at the minute because everything I loved about NUFC and football has disappeared in front of my eyes. So much of my life has been driven by the club – my best friends, the fantastic times I’ve had with you and when I watch the people we have representing us now I hate them because they are pissing away so much more than a football team. Really, really sad’.
Going down? I fucking hope so.
Keep the Faith
Newcastle United – Krul 5, Janmaat 4 (Abeid 3), Williamson 1, Coloccini 4, R Taylor 4, Anita 3, GUTIERREZ 6, Colback 6, Cabella 2 (de Jong ?), Riviere 5 (Armstrong 5), Perez 5
Ref – Swarbrick – 7 – Had nowt major to do
Our Fans – 5 – Relationship with the club is broken, beyond repair with this regime
Their Fans – 4 – Poorest following they’ve had up here in recent years
GARETH HARRISON – Follow Gareth on @truefaith1892