MATCH REPORT: Manchester United 0 Newcastle United 1, Old Trafford, 7/Dec/13, KO:12:45, Premier League, Att: 75,233

by • December 7, 2013 • Match reportsComments (9)1302

Well that was shit.


Forty-one years. Over those 41 years more often than not we’ve been humped. Newcastle United just anothervictim of the waves and waves of attacks from the imperialistic red fucking devil machine, cheered on by their crowing cretins who use Manchester United Football Club as their own personal cock extension. Not anymore. Newcastle United had a belief at the Death Star yesterday that we haven’t seen before. From the first whistle, our players patrolled the Old Trafford pitch with fluffed up semis.

Those waves of attacks never came yesterday. Newcastle  UNITED did look vulnerable from set pieces, but so does everyone else when Robin Van Persie has a dead ball at his feet. Moyes boys (where’s their song?), never really looked like getting anything from the game after Yohan Cabaye had opened the scoring around the hour mark. United sensed this was their day and it was no surprise when the industrious Moussa Sissoko burst down the right flank leaving Evra in his trail, before choosing the right ball – a cut back to Cabaye just inside the box. The Frenchman finished from there, sparking wild celebrations in a small corner of the Death Star.

United fully deserved their victory. Cheick Tiote was magnificent in the first half, harassing and bullying Man Utd’s limited midfield, while Cabaye in the orchestrator role and Vurnon Anita constantly recycling the ball always made themselves available for the pass. Our midfield is and was simply better than theirs. Sissoko, recapturing the form of his home debut against Chelsea was superb, his strong running – with and without the ball, gives Newcastle an energy and engine that has rarely been seen at SJP before. Mike Williamson was flawless. I repeat – flawless.That hasn’t always been the case, but Williamson is in the form of his life. At one point in the second half he burst over to right back at full throttle, aggressive and decisive, to successfully take Wilfried Zaha and the ball out of play.

Man Utd didn’t throw the kitchen sink at us in the last half hour. They haven’t got a kitchen sink. Their subs were gash. Ours were better – Hatem Ben Arfa playing keep ball in a Benny Hill manner, Shola Ameobi battering away with Nemanja Vidic and winning free kicks, as he does. A number of Man Utd’s cretinous support began drifting away from the Death Star with 10 minutes to go. Which is understandable, if you support a club for the reflected glory, what do you do when they cease to be successful? Walkaway.

There was a time when injury time at Old Trafford was a living hell – clinging on for dear life for a hard earned point. Newcastle United strolled through injury time at Old Trafford yesterday, with Ben Arfa and Ameobi keeping the ball in the corner by the jubilant away support. The game was up. Geordie Boys taking the piss.

The players and management staff were straight over at the end, hysterical applause, hugs, fist pumps all the shite you do when your happy at the match. A show of strength with your boys brigade. Our support was a pretty accurate representation of the hordes that have travelled away over the last 20 years. I took a moment to look around and saw – young kids recently hooked on United, with dads and mums, piss-heads, old fellas, women in pairs, young lads Stone Islanded to fuck, rum blokes bred on a diet of violence and heavy drinking. As one, in a joyous, over due moment.

One well travelled Mag amongst our group summed it up in a life coach/ pissed up jakey manner – “Life is all about moments, good or bad, you need them all. And that was a great fucking moment.”

A moment steeped in nostalgia, for everyone, for those who were at Old Trafford yesterday or not, it doesn’t matter. It was the moment we erased some of those humpings, Cantona 1-0, Cardiff ’05, Peter Schmeichel, their irredeemable fans who support Uuuu-ni-tid.

We’ve bloodied their nose at St James’ Park many times. Yesterday we knocked the cunts out at Old Trafford.

Newcastle United – Krul, Debuchy (Yanga-Mbiwa), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Sissoko, Anita, Cabaye (Shola), Tiote, Gouffran (Ben Arfa), Remy




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9 Responses to MATCH REPORT: Manchester United 0 Newcastle United 1, Old Trafford, 7/Dec/13, KO:12:45, Premier League, Att: 75,233

  1. Horsebuckfast says:

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO didn’t see that coming after Wednesday, magnificent !! But equally annoying after that inept display at Swansea. But glass half full and all that well done to all.

    Also well done to lino a correct and brave offside decision, however Marriner…….talk about bottling the Hernadez dive.

    Right Soton (h) palace (a) Stoke (h) next three dare we actually think we can get all 9 points ????

  2. jaktar says:

    Anyone watching the excerpts on MotD could be forgiven for thinking Manure had 99 pct possession and our lot had only the one shot on goal.

  3. Rochford Mag says:

    Forty one years of hurt gone! Just brilliant.

  4. Davey says:

    Possibly the best match report I’ve ever read. Take a bow Mr Whelan.

  5. Midland Nic says:

    From someone who has watched our team for 35 years (home and away BC (before children)) that is one of the best match reports I’ve read in all that time. I watched the match with my 6 year old football mad son and he looked a little disturbed at his dad jumping around our lounge like a radgie. The match report took me back to throwing fireworks in the Corner and pissing in pockets in the Scoreboard!!! Well done pal!!

  6. Jamie Gordon says:

    I hope Sir Alex Fuckface reads this….

  7. Neil Gatenby says:

    Cracking review Sean

  8. Tony Higgins says:

    Only Mr. WHELAN could write a match like that 😉

  9. STEPHEN says:

    An alternative view :

    I watched the first half in a bar in Manchester city centre. Oh how lovely it is to see their smug bast**d support now suffering a reality check and joining the real world that most of us football fans are in. Bickering amongst themselves, arrrghhh ‘ing’, shouting for Anderson to come on (ha ha),complaining about how average their players are.It was oh so sweet sweet sweet and smile did i. I’ve watched (from inside OT) over 20 of those winless,goalless previous visits since to Old Trafford since 1984 and on many, many occasions felt and been absolutely tortured and scarred by the experience, watching helplessly as we’ve been battered and had the p*ss ripped out of us from those Mancs to our right in the Scoreboard end (it got to the point where i couldn’t even glance over at them as it cut that deep). I then watched the bulk of the second half from a bar in Salford and then hot footed it to OT, side stepped a steward and watched the closing minutes from that massive stand that we filled and almost broke in those two Semi-Final’s way back. Seeing our lot celebrate wildly was utterly fantastic. I’ve seriously got the hump with Pardew and most of NUFC at the moment and i cannot see that feeling changing any time soon – no matter what the results – but you cannot take saturday away from anyone, most of all, all those people who have suffered over the years at the Theatre of Arrogance. Saturday was for them.