MATCH REPORT: Manchester City 5 Newcastle United 0, Etihad, 21/Feb/15, KO: 5:30pm, Premier League. Att: 45,602

by • February 21, 2015 • Match reportsComments (36)1646

I’m not even sure I need to sum that up. Lets try with pitiful, pathetic and painful for CityFeb15starters. Yesterday was just another day in my long painful divorce with Newcastle United. As I’ve said on so many occasions this just isn’t fun any more.

Being a resident in the most arrogant place in the world made yesterdays trip was a nice easy one for me. The day started with meeting a few locally based mags in the very reasonably priced oyster bar. £2.12 for pint ! That’ll always put a smile on my face. We then headed on to the Waldorf which is the proper match day going supporter pub in Manchester. Having met up with my brother in law he naively asked me my thoughts on the result. I predicted 2-0, 3-0, 4-0. Seems I was too optimistic. Fuck me how depressing is that ?!?!

The main reason I continue to go is the craic and again that was tremendous. I’m very lucky that group of lads I go away with are decent and never make a massive embarrassment of themselves like many of our support do.
On to the game and I’ll be honest I can’t really comment much as I missed the majority of it. I was finishing my pint when I heard a roar which I presumed were the teams coming out, little did i know it was because we’d given away a penalty. Who the fucks gives a penalty away 30 seconds in ? Beyond a joke us. Having watched the incident back fuck knows how Ajax graduate Vurnon Anita can’t control a 3 yard pass. The lads piss poor, no debate needed.
I walked into the ground as Aguero was just stepping to easily roll home a penalty. 1-0 minute in. From that moment youadidaspreorder knew it was going to be a long night. The procession started shortly after with Nasri scoring a ridiculously easy goal with Coloccini turning his back on the ball like a 3 year girl. His performances are beyond a fucking joke now. I’m adamant this shit wouldn’t happen if the likes of Nolan were still about. Those lad might have not been the most talented but at least they looked like they gave a fuck which is more than can be said for the current bunch.
By this point I was desperately wanting the bar to open and after the third goal which in all fairness was delightfully set up by David Silva I made my way out.
A quick side note, once again a few moronic fans booed Man City fans for not going during the 17th minuted applause. To be bruttally honest I have no fucking idea why this is still going on. I cant work out who’s more morbid us over John & Liam or the Daily Express over Diana. It’s lost all meaning now so can we stop doing it.
So from 22 minutes onwards I was waiting for the bar to open, which Man City duly obliged in opening early, so I could get a pint in and forget about the torture I subjected my eyes to for 22 minutes. There was no shock or disappointment amongst the lads at HT I’m not even sure we discussed the match. Its all that pointless at the moment.
After hearing they’d scored a 4th and 5th shortly I exited the Etihad to head back to town. I’m just not arsed anymore. Our clubs just a laughing stock
JACK McLANE – Follow Jack on @jackm1892 TF_INITIALS_LOGO
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36 Responses to MATCH REPORT: Manchester City 5 Newcastle United 0, Etihad, 21/Feb/15, KO: 5:30pm, Premier League. Att: 45,602

  1. Alan says:

    Two words should suffice for this report.

    FUCKING PITIFUL.

    • mammyslittlesoldier says:

      I was tempted to suggest a one word match report – “cunts” – but I thought the site admin might not like it.

  2. Pat Hughes says:

    Less words will do ….. Courtesy of Shearer – PATHETIC

  3. Mikey says:

    Fucking Disgraceful…
    And Carver…
    “We weren’t great, we came up against a top side. I have seen better sides than us come here and get a hiding” …Fucking blame game

  4. tom says:

    Not true though John as that was their biggest win of the season and would have been more if they weren’t saving themselves for Tuesday. I had to laugh at the coverage of the game on the BBC site though, plenty of people who no doubt watch Newcastle at least twice a year sagging off Newcastle fans for forcing Pardew out with comments like this never would have happened with Pardew in charge. That’s right we only usually lost 4 nil in this fixture with Pardew in charge. And we tailed off even more disastrously last year with him in charge. Still nothing wrong with pundits like Merson and Redknapp rewriting history of the Pardew era to suit their anti Newcastle agenda. Why no criticising of fickle Hammers fans for wanting Big Sam out or mackem for wanting Poyet out. West Bromwich fans wanting Irvine out before a ball was kicked? Ditto with Hughes and Stoke last season

  5. Vin1892 says:

    I said the same myself last night. I would have been out of The Etihad on 20 minutes and into the city centre for a few pints. At least when you watched Shinton, Rafferty and the like you knew they were trying their best but they were just shite. Our captain is a fucking embarrassment and we should have let him go back to Argentina last January. We might survive this season but we need major investment in the squad in the summer which just isn’t going to happen with the fat parasite in charge.

  6. Whippet says:

    You hit the nail on the head there Vin, we do not have a captain on the field. Colo never utters a word to the defenders around him, or indeed anyone else on the team. Nolan was not the greatest of footballers, but would shout, encourage and bollock fellow team mates, that is what you need of a captain. Colo has been shite for 18 months, Williamson always seems to get the blame, but apart from a small handful of matches, Colo has been just as bad, his positional sense is unbelievable for someone of his experience.
    Sick of Sissoko hiding as well, couple of good runs, then takes a breather somewhere on the pitch for 10 minutes.
    Been going to matches since the late 50s with my dad, mates, and my son. I have never been as near packing in as now.
    An utter disgrace.

    • Rob says:

      It says it all that Mehdi Abeid was offered up to speak to the media.
      And you know what, GOOD ON THE LAD. The one player in the second half who, when he got the ball, was pointedly asking where the movement was ahead of him. At one point he actually pointed to Gouffran to show him the right place to stand.
      How the hell Anita started instead of Mehdi is beyond me.

    • Stephen says:

      Sissoko – “couple of runs then takes a breather for 10 minutes”, that’s a bit generous Whippet.

  7. robp says:

    Match report as poor as the game. We don’t want a report of your day on the piss we want a bit of insight.

    • The insight was the peeve is massively more preferable, some would say hugely required means of dealing with travelling away to watch the shite Carver is dishing up.

    • Chris Betts says:

      What sort of ‘Insight’ would you have in mind? This is the view of a lad who’s whole day (journey, pre match arrangements, the 90 mins & post match) are to watch/support newcastle. His view is from a location in the stadium amongst supporters, where from time to time you get emotionally involved in the “supporting” of the team so it’s difficult to make notes on every incident and tactical development. Ultimately, jack’s not there as a journalist. If you want to read a journalist style report there’s loads of them available which could maybe supplement Jack’s alternative report?.

  8. Janie Jones says:

    Hands up those going to Everton.

  9. Andrew Thompson says:

    The match was awful, that’s a given watching NUFC these days but the True Faith match reports are going the same way. Hardly any talk about the game but plenty slagging off of the Newcastle fans and a detailed description of the authors day on the piss – I’m sure you had a good time but frankly I couldn’t really give a fuck about that and anyone who travelled down there and paid £44 quid a ticket for a televised match knowing full well we’d get turned over deserves a medal, not to be slagged off by some tin pot fanzine.

    • the lad who wrote the report has barely missed a game this season home or away. He says something different to what you’ll read elsewhere and you watched the game on TV yourself so hardly need the detail on the shambles you saw yourself. Jack calls it as he sees it and speaks for many of us in that away end. Tinpot fanzine? I think that is hard on tin pots to be honest.

    • Rob says:

      Aye, there’s absolutely nowhere else you can get a match report these days.

    • Stephen says:

      Stick to the local rag that is the Chronicle and their love in with Carver then Andrew.

    • mammyslittlesoldier says:

      Howay man. It’s free and a fanzine…you can read several “proper” match reports on one of the many free newpaper websites

  10. Sando says:

    Ashley’s moneyball approach to finishing 17th or a bit better will always mean we get wiped by decent teams that understand the concept of sporting endeavour. Only by staying away and emptying the stadium is there a chance that he’ll go. That and screaming the fat parasite out of town every time he dares to show his face. Me, I did something worth while and enjoyable with my weekend playing with my son. Checked the score on 70 minutes on my phone, laughed and turned my phone off.

  11. Jack Mclane says:

    I cant comment on the game as I didn’t have the heart to stay around long enough. I’m sure the Sundays gave a good enough analysis of us getting humped.

  12. Peter Shearer says:

    Meanwhile as it continues are we actually ready to do anything yet? Surely we can use all this energy to some purpose. It is actually worse just listening to people object so strongly,but not be prepared to do anything.

    Whatever you do-do something different.

  13. John Milton says:

    I think its important to understand the mindset of the fans in the away end. They are, afterall, the core of our fanbase. By getting a first hand account here, tf is providing us with an insight you won’t find on BBC or in the thousands of match reports you’ll find online.

    • Pat Hughes says:

      I agree with that. I like a personal report, taking in atmosphere, feelings etc – all the who did what and when is well documented elsewhere. The match reports do what it says on the tin – provides an alternative view.

  14. rich says:

    A bit controversial but i tend to agree that the applause for Liam and John has gone on too long. We’ve all paid our respects to the lads, they will never be forgotten but i think its time to bring some closure as it seems fans are now doing it out of duty ‘coz everyone else is’, rather than for the true meaning.

  15. Steve says:

    I think the whole point the author of the report is making is that the drinking with pals be ore the game is now the best part of an away day. I’m going to Everton and much more looking forward to the day/night out then the match itself

  16. Ant says:

    Just to be controversial: Man City is a quarter of a billion (plus?) team. I am not shocked that we lost. And a 1-0 loss is the same as an 11-0 loss: it brings zero points. So I am not appalled by the size of the defeat either.

    The fact that certain players are going backwards in their development, however, is a real issue. I’m sorry but I don’t believe that players like Anita and Williamson are “useless”: a clever coach (Sir Bobby, KK) would have been able to utilise them in an optimal way. You remember when Sir Bobby had to re-build our mid-field for £3.5m? Or when KK managed to squeeze some football out of Owen? No, we were not beating Real Madrid, but we could at least play a bit and we could say that we were getting our money’s worth from those limited/has-been players.

    Even worse, our squad is so slim that we are using tired, injured players all over the pitch and out of position. And players like Collo (who must be knackered by this point in this campaign) have become undroppable simply because there is no one else available!
    If you want to give a bit of grief to someone, aim for the head = it’s all about Ashley.

  17. Gav C says:

    Add me to the list of people who like this kind of match-DAY-report as oppose to a match-report, plenty of them available elsewhere. To be honest I can’t remember the last time I went to the match home or away and stayed till the end…. Just too depressing really… Long bitter divorce from NUFC indeed, I have said for years that supporting Mike Ashley’s NUFC is like being in an abusive relationship.

  18. Jack Mclane says:

    Positive comments are much appreciated. For people who want my tactical insight I think David Silva’s fucking mint btw.

  19. Tom Pitt says:

    I used to go home and away….dont go at all anymore.
    Used to scream and shout at the game,at the telly whatever….now I burst out laughing when we concede goals.
    “Big Vern” was better comedy than anything Ant and Dec could produce!
    How was he selected in front of Abeid??
    NUFC is dead and the corpse is starting to rot……we can smell it.

  20. Tom Pitt says:

    Oh and meant to say…excellent piece Jack…..we dont need minute by minute match reports on here…we need honest views.
    Thats what your article is.
    It just amazes me that people can still be bothered to go.

  21. Ed Bell says:

    A great piece, pretty much sums up the feelings of anyone who travelled…

    I’m a bit if a masochist and stayed until the end, so for anyone who does want a match report, here goes… Newcastle turned up, played very badly, with a few exceptions (krul, colback, colo, ryan taylor) didn’t bother to acknowledge the travelling supporters at the end, then they got back on the coach and went home….

  22. clarky says:

    The booze has always been the best part of following United!! Without it I would have never lasted this long (I’m only 32)!! Although I can’t remember the last time I watched us play this season which sounds crazy but it has just sucked the life out of me this season I’m actually enjoying not having an intrest anymore!

  23. Phil Atkinson says:

    So much wrong don’t know where to start but at least it seems fans are gradually realising that Collo is the most overrated of centre backs. Why is it that him and Williamson mark space(zonal marking?) all the time – I can’t recall space scoring many goals! Oh for the days of Ollie Burton, Magrath, Macnamee or even Big Bill Thompson.