MATCH REPORT: Everton 3 Newcastle United 2, Goodison Park, 30/Sep/13, KO: 8pm, Premier League. Att:33,495

by • September 30, 2013 • Match reportsComments (17)988

Where on earth to start with an utter shambles of a first half that lacked ideas, tactics, brains and most of all PardewMartinezfight and bottle. Before the game the signs were ominous as word was spread around that the stewards and police were having no messing and chucking people out for stuff that wouldn’t even turn heads at other grounds. On entering the ground one lad was clearly 8 miles high and was having all of his details taken by the police. Quite how he could remember his own name let alone be involved in a conversation of that length was beyond me. When the team news filtered through most people seemed happy that Cisse had been dropped. Personally, it made no sense to me. The lad probably gained some confidence from scoring on Wednesday night so master man manager and tactical extraordinaire Alan Pardew put him on the bench as well as Cabaye after they had ‘had a lengthy chat’. Isn’t that the manager and physio’s decision to make?
On to the game and pre-match worries about the size, strength and goalscoring abilities of Romelu Lukaku were shown to be well founded when from virtually Everton’s first attack Miralles easily ran past Santon and crossed for Lukaku to smash home. Santon couldn’t be arsed, Coloccini was nowhere and the frankly atrocious MYM was all over the place (not for the last time). We tried to pass the ball around but all too often we were outfought and any slight contact was penalised by Phil Dowd who gave another display of home bias similar to his one at QPR a few years back. When we did get possession Tiote and Sissoko did their level best to give it away with only the tidy Anita showing any resolve and ability on the ball. We were soon 2-0 down when once again Lukaku was given the freedom of Goodison Park to chest down the ball 35 yards out and slide a ball through to Barkley who smashed past Krul. Thoughts of an utterly dispiriting repeat of the last time we faced a Merseyside team were beginning to run through my head at this point and barring a weak Ben Arfa effort we had offered nothing. However, if the first two goals were poor then the third must rank up there with the worst we have given away under Pardew. A simple long punt was bottled by MYM and Coloccini and just as crucially Tim Krul to leave Lukaku with a tap-in which he gratefully smashed into the net.
When the second half started the majority of the away support weren’t in the ground to see Gouffran hit the post when he should have scored. This seemed to spur the team on (hopefully after an absolute bollocking from Pardew) and the introduction of Cabaye and Williamson helped us massively. Cabaye dictated the pattern of the game and stopped Gareth Barry from doing so, which he had been in the first half. In the last two games Huddlestone and Barry have outdone our midfield. Worrying. We soon had a sniff of a way back in when Cabaye flashed an unstoppable, swerving effort into the top corner past the flailing Howard and we stayed on the front foot without creating a clear cut chance, although Jagielka cleared from Remy as he was about to blast home. We did manage to set up a frantic finale when Debuchy’s header across the box was met by Remy in between Distin and Jagielka to poke past Howard. One late Remy drive over the bar was as close as we came to an equaliser unfortunately and we left Goodison Park ruing an awful first half performance that if we repeat again may not see us rally as well.
Whilst the easy targets of Debuchy and Gouffran get their fair share (of deserved criticism) the likes of Santon is left off. He was abysmal last night along with the two French speakers in midfield. The two centre halves were an embarrassment; total cowards and bottled it against a bigger, more combative forward, not relishing the challenge at all. Remy was isolated and Gouffran is struggling with the pace of the league. Tactically we’re a mess and have no back up plans to any sort of tactical shift that an opposition manager may have. Special mention to Mike Williamson who was excellent when he came on. He won every header, covered and actually got up against Lukaku. Strange then, that the big Belgian barely touched the ball second half. Unfortunately it was too late by then, a lesson Pardew should have learnt from MYM’s shambolic performance at Morecambe. Dummett at left back on Saturday and Santon at right back? This being Newcastle United we’ll probably go and win on Saturday
Newcastle United:  Tim Krul, Mathieu Debuchy, Fabricio Coloccini, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa (Mike Williamson 46), Davide Santon, Chieck Tiote, Vurnon Anita (Papiss Cisse 69), Hatem Ben Arfa (Yohan Cabaye 46), Moussa Sissoko, Loic Remy, Yoan Gouffran.
Subs not used: Rob Elliot, Gabriel Obertan, Sammy Ameobi, Paul Dummett.
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DAVID X SMITH 

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17 Responses to MATCH REPORT: Everton 3 Newcastle United 2, Goodison Park, 30/Sep/13, KO: 8pm, Premier League. Att:33,495

  1. MYCLUB,YOURCLUB,WORCLUB! says:

    FUCK ME BACKWARDS !!!!!
    CLUELESS ,INEPT ,IMPOTENT
    RUDDERLESS SHIP AND A CREW WITH NO MORALE
    DEPRESSING TIMES I AM AFRAID TO SAY
    3-2 FLATTERS TO DECEIVE
    That is all !!!

  2. greeny's guitar says:

    There are clinics for alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts?? anyone know of a cure for supporting nufc.
    There is no hope when Williamson comes on and shores up the defence.

  3. dave hetherington says:

    it really was a game of 2 halves

  4. horsebuckfast says:

    FFS how bad was that first half totally inept.

    Parsnips comments about “pride” and nearly gettin something is like the worst politician spinning the slightest bit of good news in an attempt to hide hideous truth.

    This is an Everton “team” with no superstars who totally passed and outclassed us.

    Ignore villa people we are in DEEP SHITE

  5. Tom Bates says:

    At half time was calling for Pardews head (again). Pleasantly suprised by the second half but still doesnt cover up the unforgivable first half display, decent players who dont have a clue what they are doing. And this is before we have started picking up injuries. Still dont see a team without any british players (first X1) succeeding but there you go. Even under Kinnear we competed when we lost (Liverpool at home aside). After the dismal second half of last season Pardew needed a good start this term, aside from Remy I see little sign of improvement.

  6. ant says:

    We have been terrible in defence for over a year now: our mid-fielders cannot press or control games. As a result, we are booting balls to our forwards while our defenders are isolated. How many last ditch tackles and 1-on-1s can you have in a Premiership game? – it all looks like school-yard football. It’s a shame because both defenders and attackers are left looking like fools, when little of this is their fault.
    We concede lots of cheap goals (isolated defenders are helpless against strong runners and up and under balls) and unless we get ourselves better organised, there is bog-all point in bringing any new blood in: new recruits will only give us a temporary lift, but in time and under AP’s and JFK’s management, they’ll also forget their football basics. Can we not give AP to Sunderland (happy to pay them if we need to – I’ll organise a collection) and grab Poyet?

  7. Mikey says:

    Pardew…found out yet again…back to obscurity for you…oh and take that D.O.F with you

  8. Gav says:

    At the end of my tether with Pardew, he is so out of his depth. Each of the starting XI last night are full internationals yet he has them playing like amateurs time and time again. No cohesion no balance, no heart. Then again, what’s the point of sacking him, if not Kinnear taking the reigns then who else with any kind of respectable reputation would pick up Ashley’s puppet strings. Not sure what’s next for this club, any kind of positive results are just delaying the inevitable decline. That 1st half at Everton was the worst display iv ever seen from an NUFC side,and there’s been a few dark days in my time

  9. Hard to conjure anything up to say without effing and blinding, total shite .

  10. john l says:

    the only reason i would keep pardew is things would get even worse when jfk gets control

  11. Kevin Reay says:

    Pardew and the non performing team are symptoms of a larger malaise known as Mike Ashley. He is ably assisted in his intent to milk NUFC for every penny he can get. by the 36,000 season ticket holders. Face facts, as long as people keep showing up it will never change. I’m one of a large group of NUFC fans actively hoping for relegation in the hope that a few seasons in the championship will see the back of Mike Ashley. What a pity, as we have some good players. Just everything else about the club is shite. I’d rather follow NUFC in The Conference than win the CL with Ashley. Everything about him and his methods sickens me.

  12. WhoArYa says:

    Even Krul was rubbish which is a worry because we were awful all around the park.

    You have got to wonder what is going on because it’s basic stuff that’s letting us down.

    My heart is nearly broken beyond repair – roll on Cardiff and the Liverpool?

  13. William says:

    Thing is, this being NUFC under Pardew currently, we’ll get hammered at Cardiff, bottle the Chelsea/Liverpool matches and the derby… Well the derby is going to literally be a horrible game between two shit teams

  14. Chris B says:

    We were absolutely fucking terrible. That first half was one of the worst I’ve ever watched – I was near spewing blood by the break. Second half ‘revival’ had much more to do with Everton cruising home than any kind of glorious improvement. Players with no heart, some refusing to play, too many limited grafters, too many overrated lumps of shite (Sissoko for example seems immune to criticism but he has been consistently woeful for all but about a game and a half since signing), manager on borrowed time, a gormless simpleton waiting to take over…we are in deep shit,

  15. Ian Summers says:

    Kevin Reay is dead right nothing will change as long as Ashley is banking 36000 of our direct debits. What is the point in a season ticket anyway, recent 6 match deals are much cheaper? Season tickets are unnecessary, Sports Direct United cannot sell all their tickets without cheap deals. It is not our club anymore but the fat man’s from Buckinghamshire. His club’s stated ambition of not winning cups and mid table obscurity summed up our predicament, staggering!

  16. Mikey says:

    Kevin Reay…of the same opinion mate…

  17. ant says:

    I agree with Kevin too – very sad, but true: as long as there is money to be made, Ashley and co are staying put. I know everyone loves the club, but can we not attend some other local teams’ games instead, even if it’s for a couple of weeks? Win/win: a black eye for Ashley and a boost for grass-roots football. Come on, it has to be more uplifting and fun than the “shit on a stick” we were served up against Hull and Everton.