MATCH REPORT – Crystal Palace 5 Newcastle United 1, 28/Nov/15, KO: 3pm, Selhurst Park, Premier League.

by • November 28, 2015 • Match reportsComments (36)4464

TRUE15 LUKE 1977 Voucher (1)



Just where do you start with this?

From every single conceivable angle, everything associated with Newcastle United is wrong. I’m convinced McClaren cannot lift this club out of relegation and if he stays we will be playing 2nd tier football next season. He simply has to go but probably won’t.

Alan Shearer calls the squad a set of “Monday to Friday” players? Hmm. I think he’s being generous. Doesn’t really do justice to those of us who actually work our balls off during a week. They are looked on with contempt by an ever growing group of us. The early optimism where decent performances were noted and acknowledged have far receded in memory.

There is no prospect of this club going anywhere except backwards under Ashley. The guarded hope that we had made Palace1progress in the summer has been exposed as a mirage. Ashley’s contemptible interview suggesting had seen the light in May should be rammed right back at him.

So, a match report then? Considering I walked out with 25 mins to go and watched all of 40 mins of the match in the stand, it will not be a comprehensive one.

The starting lineup again had Wijnaldum and Dummet paired on the left side. A disjointed combination as you’ll not want to see. Wijnaldum was highly ineffective while Dummet was spun around by Zaha. He was tormented once again by a half decent winger and such an obvious weak link at LB. Colback’s return made our midfield very marginally more compact, but not by much.

So it was a surprise which saw Cisse head United into the lead after 10 mins to a shocked away end. This wasn’t going to last. Our captain (of sorts) preceded to showcase his fading capabilities as a professional footballer. For both goals he and the rest of defence completely stood off Palace and despite the deflection for the equaliser, were utterly culpable for both goals that made it 2-1 before we could catch breath. Why doesn’t the defence attack the ball? Why do they stand off time and time again? There was another Palace player spare waiting alongside Bolasie. A procession. Just where was Janmaat? Missing once again for the second consecutive week. I was downstairs so I missed the third which ballooned over Elliot.

At that point we just thought, “Fuck it, why bother going back up”. There were a good load of us who were of a similar mind while the outside bar area was very busy. Picture a really exclusive Beach bar with all the glamour sucked out of it. We saw 20 mins of the 2nd half as best we could or could drag our eyes to watch the screen. The 4th goal was again weak as piss defending from a free kick with Bolasie having all the space in the world to get his second. We left well before the 5th for the Railway Tavern.

This walking out of matches could become a serious habit. I’m doing it now when before I simply wouldn’t in the matches Northern Threads Cyber weekend sale linkI get to, which due to family and money commitments is getting less and less. Something I’m not proud of but when this pile of shite is served up by players you have no connection to then why bother. I know I’m not alone and this sentiment I’ll wager is shared by the majority if not all of my match going pals.

The best bit of the day was the pre-match drink around Borough Market which was a 2 hours very well spent and the main reason why I still do this. It’s arguably London’s best drinking circuit with pubs like The Market Porter, the newly renovated Wheatsheaf and many others all proper pubs with a bit of character and buzz. Some really daft tales from European trips, how to serve Guinness tutorials, politics, singing (which for our more enthusiastic companions means plastic glasses and an escort outside), and other general shite. Good to be alive with good people.

And then the match.

Newcastle United: No fucking points for anyone.

Our Support: Disbelief when we scored. More then just resignation when we inevitably went behind. Can’t fault anyone for either staying or leaving. The fact we sold the allocation is a tribute to our love of a good drink.

Their Support: Like the ground, like the area. The home support at least try to build an atmosphere. They don’t deserve the Charlatan sitting in the dugout. They’ll find this out soon enough.

GUY HANNAY-WILSON – Folow Guy on @tfGHW1892 

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36 Responses to MATCH REPORT – Crystal Palace 5 Newcastle United 1, 28/Nov/15, KO: 3pm, Selhurst Park, Premier League.

  1. Bob says:

    Oh dear**#??? ¥¥₩×*

  2. Anton says:

    Oh well, at least the podcast will be entertaining. After all we’re not supporting this club for the football, are we?

  3. Dave says:

    Look on the bright side, only 24 more games to endure before we’re put out of our misery!

    • Lofty says:

      25 according to daft lads post match interview!!! You couldn’t make the f*cker up…

      • Simon Sharp says:

        24 league matches + the inevitable, pitiful departure from the FA Cup at the first hurdle to lower league opposition.

  4. gavnufc85 says:

    When I watched Zahas strike loop over the hapless Rob Elliot today it eerily instantly reminded me of my first real heartbreak as a fan of NUFC, sat in the Gallowgate in March 96, where a similar Eric Cantona strike inflicted the first major blow in my magical love affair with Kevin Keegans NUFC. I was 10 years old, too young to appreciate the lows of the 80’s, post Gazza Waddle and Beardsley. It’s difficult to explain to people now what that side of 95 means to me, it was a first love almost, a part of my soul, my life.

    Fast forward 20 years, it’s the polar opposite. Like a fractured marriage, the occasional chink of light (Bobby, the San Siro, Rotterdam, Spurs FA Cup Semi 98, Championship 2011) is battered by shattering lows (the rest of it).

    Looking back now, I’d wish I’d walked out on it then. I’m filing for divorce from NUFC. Iv finally had enough. The loves gone, the flame went out a long time ago. I dont feel the appreciation or the commitment. We have both gave up and going through the motions. What’s the point, let’s all call it a day. I’ll always love you NUFC but I’m through with you

  5. Anton says:

    On the even brighter/darker side, the fat controller must have started perceiving the club as a complete liability: even by SportsD’s standards, being associated with this sort of disaster, becoming an international laughing stock and potentially getting relegated with record low points/negative goal difference just can’t be good!
    And “loadsa-money” types like Ashley have an ego on them; he will not enjoy being a joke among his peers.

    Who knows? One day we’ll look back at this season and we’ll erect twin statues to Dummett and Colo who saved us from Ashley. I propose life-like sculptures, cast in bronze, facing away from the opposition player about to shoot, their eyes closed and ready to deflect random errant shots into their own net like I used to do when I was 7. Who wants to get the campaign going on KickStarter?

  6. tom Bates says:

    We need to make a move for Austin in January. I know we don’t like to sign English players as they are viewed as expensive especially if they are over 25 but I’d rather pay over the odds then go for another Cabella or Thauvin.

    • mike says:

      Ha ha should have done that afore the start of the season…but be honest if the captain isnt interesed and most of the team is the same 1 would you come to the town to play? 2 would one or two players make a diference?

  7. tom Bates says:

    GAVNUFC I was also at the Gallowgate end for that match but my main memory of the game apart from Schmeichel having a blinder was the atmosphere. The noise was deafening and the man u players were booed and whistled and shouts of scum scum as if it was a derby match. I can remember not being able to hear properly at school the next day with ringing in my ears because of the noise and a sore throat from shouting and singing. The atmosphere was so much better in those days and has never seemed the same to me since the stadium was expanded to 52000. A shame that football now seems to attract casual supporters and day trippers and fans who are happy to sit placidly and accept Ashley as they are just happy to stay in the league and couldn’t care about our failures in the cup. I couldnt see our support up to and pre Keegan days accepting what Ashley has thrown at us. But a large amount of the core support has gone and we have gradually been brainwashed to believe we should be happy just to be in the PL. I don’t think the atmosphere will return to what it was even if the team improves though safe standing areas might help.

  8. Andy bee says:

    Gav/ Tom get a grip and do your homework before Monday and have either of you actually been divorced?
    So to the fiasco ……..where do we go? Personally I now think British and prem experience will give the comittment we need , unfortunately I would not trust the uninspiring schtevie with a single penny.
    The interviews are now boring mclaren you’ve long lost our belief ……..let’s open up the ashley debate if we want but I do believe we’ve spunked 52 m of his money. John Anderson on radio newcastle is spot on we won’t win pool/ Spurs so guess we will be in the mire eating our Turkey – can only get better ?!

    • john rush says:

      Ashley has spunked 52m of his money because he is the one who appointed the people to spunk 52m of his money

    • gavnufc85 says:

      It was a metaphor Andy, obviously, sorry if I hit a nerve. I was just trying to portray the way the club continually kicks us in the teeth time and time again, and the fact we keep going back for more. It could get a lot worse before it gets better, keep the faith

    • SteveP says:

      Spunked £52M of the CLUB’S money, not Ashley’s

  9. Mark says:

    Our back four should donate their wages to a respectable local charity as they should not receive any money for another dismal performance. Coloccini was pathetically out-muscled by Connor Wickham to allow him to setup the first goal; and had then fallen over in the build up to the second. It really is time to end his stay at the club. McClaren has stuck with the same centre-back paring of Mbemba/Coloccini for the majority of the season (if not all of it) and look where it’s got us. Change things up for God’s sake!!! Paul Dummet showed once again that he is not capable at left-back as Zaha ran circles around him all day. I know that you can’t sub players in if you don’t have them in the first place but McClaren should be on the phone to Graham Carr screaming for an actual left-back (among the other positions that desperately need filling). Even if we get the players that we need in January, is McClaren the man to still lead this team? I am not looking forward to the next lot of games leading up the Xmas/NY period.

    • Ian Summers says:

      The problem throughout the Ashley era has been squads so thin that too many players are undroppable. Who would replace Colocinni, Lascelles? How Sissoko and Winjaldum keep their shirts is beyond me but their are no options in the squad. We have no midfield presence at all this season. Does Sissoko and his agent truly believe he would get anywhere near the Arsenal team?

  10. Steve says:

    It’s quite clear the players are not responding to whatever McClaren wants. We are going down as is. Get moyes in now would be the only hope in my opinion. Bit difficult when ya manager is part of the board. Looking forward to my trips to Blackburn, Rotherham etc next season…

  11. tom Bates says:

    Both Liverpool and Spurs play a few days before they play us which might give us an outside chance of a point. The only way I can see us getting results is when the opposition are below par. It’s ridiculous that people are saying we are down already though when Norwich and Sunderland are just ahead of us and have a tougher run of games leading up to Xmas. 34-35 points could be enough this year bit obviously we need to improve to get there.

    • Iain says:

      There is not a professional football team anywhere in the world that could be so far below par and still field eleven living, breathing, animate players, that we could get a ‘result’ against them. At the rate that we are currently picking up points, we will finish the season with 27, so nowhere near 34-35, which is being pretty optimistic anyway. That being the case I don’t thinks that it is in the slightest ridiculous for people to say that we are down already; pessimistic perhaps, but not ridiculous.

    • mike says:

      Ha ha thats if the players can be bothered. I cant see any sign of life in this squad. Tell me who is the best player so far this season?

  12. Peter Shearer says:

    I can only keep repeating the same old story, none of this matters until we get rid of Ashley. Keegan is trying to show the way (ie stay away!)-but still the masses show up to keep the Ashley era on the go. Get angry and get out!

    On the field, most decent teams start from having a strong spine through goalie, centre-half, central midfield,and centre-forward. Just watch the Palce highlights to see just how spineless we are!

    At least it looks like the players have joined the boycott-and don’t show up!

    • Peter says:

      Exactly, I’m really not sure why we bother talking about the manager or players to be honest. As long as Ashley is owner, we will never get a decent manager and nor will we recruit players as part of a long-term plan. Without that, whilst unprofessional behaviour from ridiculously well paid players is disgraceful, we are never going to have players who will feel part of a long-term project and that it is really worth putting that extra effort in. They should dom, for the money they are paid, but human nature being what it is…

      Until NUFC is a properly run football club, with a plan to take us forward, rather than just a money-making advertising hoarding for Sports Direct we will never have either a decent manager, or players who feel part of something they can be really committed to. I’m not trying to excuse the players, but rather find a reason. The ONLY way things will improve is if Ashley sells up and (hopefully) we get a new owner who wants to realise the still huge potential of the club – and hopefully before the land at St James’ Metro gets developed in a way that prevents extension of the Gallowgate End.

  13. Jarra mick says:

    Why is it all our defenders turn their back on the ball when the opposition are about to shoot? Dummet and Janmaat guilt against Palace. The standard in this respect must be our very own captain courageous who without hesitation will dive the opposite way if he thinks he might get hit with the ball. How many goals and points have we conceded simply because we have cowards playing for us? Putting aside all the tactical and skill factors if a few of them would put their bodies in the way it would help! Extra training on Sunday? I know what I would be doing, lining the cowards up and blasting the ball at them from 5 yards anyone who turns their backs stays in the line.

  14. Matthew Close says:

    Yesterday was our worst performance I’ve had the misfortune to witness in person. Its not as if Palace did anything special, just got the basics right and that was enough to get past the shower of shite passing for our First XI. It was the closest I’ve come to walking out early as well. Think the only reason I didn’t was to give them what for at full time. Make no mistake, this team is going nowhere but down.

  15. Vin1892 says:

    The 50K in the ground next week are the reason why Ashley is still at he club. You can blame Ashley, Carr, Penfold or Mclaren all you want but until the supporters grow a pair nothing will change. FFS just go the Toon and have a drink in the fucking bars if you’re so desperate to get away from your lass.

    • Rob says:

      So do something about it. I wouldn’t describe simply not going to a game as “growing a pair” given that some people who go to SJP might be, you know, firemen and ex-servicemen.
      Twitter’s full of people patting themselves on the back for walking away and condemning those who haven’t. Why not start protesting more actively and getting more fans involved? Or is it the actual effort of doing so that puts people off?

      • Vin1892 says:

        It is as simple as to stop going. It doesn’t need any organising. By the way I was on the march before the Hull and Liverpool games and I was outside SJP protesting against Spurs even though I haven’t been to a home game for over 4 years. I am also a member of NUST so I’ve done my fucking bit. It’s all a bit pointless when there’s 50K in the ground. It’s like pissing in the wind.

        • Rob says:

          Clearly it does need some organising as there are still people attending. Help organise boycott. Publicise a blog. Print off some handouts. Try and encourage those still attending not to bother. I’m right with you, by the way, but you might be waiting a while if you’re simply waiting for people to stop attending under their own steam.

  16. Bob says:

    I can’t see the likes of Austin joining in January. Why would he want to have another relegation battle. Only if he wants to get away from QPR, they accept our offer, no one else is interested, he gets a good pay rise and a release clause if/ when we get relegated. I hope Charnley is crying on his yorkshires today that he couldn’t be bothered to pay a bit extra in the summer – looks small change now, eh Lee. Supposed to be our main target all summer, yea, I believe that! Major surgery is required, certainly in January, but now McClaren needs to make a point by dropping supposedly undroppable players, starting with Colo and Sissoko. For me a back four of Mbabu, Mbemba, Dummett and Lascelles, move Janmaatt to replace Sissoko, maybe even Marveaux on the left and play Perez wherever he wants. Just shows there are very few choices.

  17. tom Bates says:

    Again people are getting upset when questioned why they are still going. I’ve no problem with those who want to support the team but if you are against Ashley and Charnley surely show some self respect and stay away. We’ve been complaining about it for years and rightly so but some people are still taking the option of complaining whilst paying him. Even Keegan is asking us to boycott now. Every game is on in the pub now where you get a better atmosphere than at the ground. If we keep nearly filling the ground I can see another decade of Ashley

  18. Peter Shearer says:

    It is ridiculous to suggest that individuals can force the changes that NUST and the Ashley Out crew have so far not managed to do. There are plenty of us doing our bit, but we need more to look at themselves. If Ashley has not done enough to force you to boycott yet, I really do not know what would be enough for some people. Other fans do not like being told what they must do -so we need them to come to their own conclusions. The only game that I have attended was the last match of the season,when I hoped thousands would wait behind to protest. It was a great atmosphere, and at the final whistle, there were large sections singing “get out of our club” for about 2 choruses,before they all went home! That is the level of protest, so Ashley gets away with it. It needs all the fansine website to unite-and if we cannot even manage that -then we get what we deserve.

    • Gary Ĺockey says:

      Exactly. The words that I would use over and over again are “we get what we deserve”. Turn up and continue to support Ashley and you have absolutely nothing to complain about as you are part of the problem. I hope all you that continue to go are comfortable in the part you are playing in killing out club. Hang your heads in shame.

    • Rob says:

      A mass boycott is more effective than thousands of individuals boycotting.

  19. Kenthemag says:

    We need to do something more radical – like a peaceful pitch invasion / sit in when the Sky cameras are there. Delay the kick off and get some world wide publicity; they can’t arrest us all…

  20. tom Bates says:

    And Sunderland have been relegated by xmas the last five seasons yet have stayed up every time with less than 40 points beating sides who are on the beach by March. I think the fact we are only 2 points plus goal difference from safety considering how bad we’ve been shows there’s a fair chance of staying up. A win against villa in a few weeks would have us at least in touching distance from the rest. I’m hoping we might improve performances to the mediocre level required. Not that staying up would be a success.