MATCH PREVIEW: Newcastle United v Manchester United, St James’ Park, KO: 3pm, 4/Apr/14, Premier League.

by • April 4, 2014 • Match previewsComments (13)1855

Oh Lordy, Lordy. Well last week’s capitulation was thoroughly predictable. Utterly awful to MoyesManUtdwatch and to be honest, I cant really believe that it’ll get any better this weekend either, as a Man Utd side, buoyed by a good result against Bayern Munich land at SJP.

By their own, high standards, they’ve had a poor season, not quite aeroplane flying messages around the ground, levels of poor, in my opinion, but there you go, perhaps they’ve been spoiled during Ferguson’s era?

Amazingly, we could (don’t laugh) do the double of them for the 1st time since the 1930s!!

For all the stick they’ve received, they’ve still only lost 4 out of 16 away games in the league, and 3 of them were Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City.

They do have some injury worries. Van Persie, Evans, Smalling, Valencia, Rafael, Giggs and Buttner all have various injuries to be assessed. Van Persie is their leading scorer with 17 but he’ll miss out, Rooney is next with 16, “Welbz” (Sounds like a street slang name for a drug) has 10.

Team News

Pardew has declared an “Injury crisis.” It’s a crisis now, even though we have the exact same number of missing senior players as we had vs. Crystal Palace…..  Let’s be honest, he opens his cake flap and absolutely anything, can fly out.

He’s declared that Sissoko has been “great” this season, I was perplexed to learn that the Sissoko in question was in fact, Moussa, who has ranged from canny, average, to absolutely, fucking shite. Honestly man, what’s he on? Wobbly Eggs? Or “Welbz?”

He reckons his team is going to be hard to predict, this may or may not support my suspicion that his team selections are randomly drawn from a hat. Maybe his team will have 3 left backs in it? Randomly, scattered about? Fuck knows!

Injured

R Taylor – Knee – out for the season

Sissoko – Hamstring – 3 weeks

Krul – Knee

Remy – Ankle

Debuchy – Groin

Obertan – Knee

Possible Team (4-4-2) drawn from Pardew’s special, formation, hat

1.Anita: 2. Yanga-Mbiwa, 5. Williamson, 6. Coloccini, 3. Haidara: 7. Cisse, 4. Tiote 8. Elliot 11. Dummett: 10. Gouffran, 9. Santon:

Subs

Ben Arfa, Taylor, Sammy Ameobi, Marveaux, Gosling, Shola Ameobi, Alnwick

Referee: Kevin Friend

History vs Man Utd at SJP

1984/85: Drew 1-1. United were on a wretched run of 2 wins in 13 and had been bundled out of the FA cup when the Red Devils pitched up on Tyneside. They were destined for a 4th place finish, whilst we’d finish in 14th.  On a pitch covered in snow. Peter Beardsley rattled in at the Leazes End with an orange ball to cancel out Kevin Moran’s opener. Attendance, 31,789

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH5iFhNxZ2M

1985/86: Lost 2-4. Man Utd arrived towards the end of season where we would quite easily secure our first division status with an 11th place finish. They’d finish 4th again. And they left SJP with 3 points too as they bagged 4. Mark Hughes hit 2 having a blinder alongside Frank Stapleton. Bryan Robson and Norman Whiteside got their other 2 with Ian Stewart and Tony Cunningham notched for us.  Attendance, 32,183

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjAvOuUqH5M

1986/87: Won 2-1 Again this fixture was late in the season and Man Utd were heading for a finish of 11th place.  This was a feisty encounter. Glenn Roeder put us ahead but Gordon Strachan equalised with a brilliant finish. Goddard notched the winner with a clinical finish. Attendance, 32,706

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-81gUjiohA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuqI3PkrRXg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwnBt0__QUY

1987/88: Won 1-0 A Boxing Day treat for United fans. The visitors would finish 2nd, 9 points behind Liverpool. But they would leave Tyneside empty handed thanks to Glenn Roeder’s, 1st half, winner. We’d eventually finish the season in 8th place.  Attendance, 26,461

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0XIC9JWi8

1988/89: Drew 0-0 A season of shit results, agitation with the board and ultimately relegation, and to think “We’re gonna win the league” got an airing at Goodison Park on the opening game of the season. Attendance, 20,234.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ0rSwTQaas

1993/94 Drew 1-1 We’d manage to surprise the world by acquiring a point at Old Trafford in only our 3rd league game in the big league, and we’d earn a point again here. Paul Ince had put Man Utd 1-0 up but Andy Cole equalised with a tidy header. Attendance, 36,332

1994/95 Drew 1-1 With Andy Cole now a Man Utd player, our striking duties fell upon the shoulders of the ill-equipped, Paul Kitson. Kitson was a huge disappointment on Tyneside but he did manage to cancel out Mark Hughes’s opener here. Attendance, 34,471

1995/96 I’m afraid I have erased this game from my memory and I suggest you do the same!!

1996/97 Won 5-0 A wonderful day. The Red Devils were torn a new arsehole and it was fucking great. Darren Peacock, Ginola, Ferdinand, Shearer and Albert on a day that won’t ever be forgotten. Attendance, 36,579

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofK3WwdUZHo

1997/98 Lost 0-1 Andy Cole, who was now officially, a grade A, cunt, with the winner. Attendance, 36,736

1998/99 Lost 1-2 Nobby Solano endeared himself to his adoring public with a superb free kick, but Cole scored twice as he formed a prolific partnership with Dwight Yorke. Attendance, 36.776

1999/00 Won 3-0 Man Utd were dismantled again on Tyneside, this time Shearer and Ferguson ran riot. Ferguson got the ball rolling with a superb volley. Shearer then hit 2. This day will be remembered as the day Roy Keane went through Robert Lee andhad a red card shown at him. Lovely day this one. Attendance, 36, 470

2000/01 Drew 1-1 After a David Beckham pena;ty had put the visitors ahead in the 1st half. Bobby Robson went for a 3 man substitution which paid dividends within minutes. The subs, Cordone, Lualua combined to find Stephen Glass who fired home to draw us level. Attendance, 52,134

2001/02 Won 4-3 This game had everything. Laurent Robert fired us in front with a wonderful free kick, but back came the visitors to equalise through Van Nistelrooy. Rob Lee tried a speculative shot from distance that bounced before Barthez (who was fucking hopeless really) fumbled it into his net. When Nik the Greek made it 3-1 we thought it was all over but Man Utd blasted in 2 quick goals to level, through Giggs and Veron. Shearer’s shot went in off Wes Brown to make it 4-3 and SJP went berserk. Roy Keane, the silly, tit, lost his blob and went for Big Al. He was sent off at SJP again. Attendance, 52,056

2002/03 Lost 2-6 An absolute mauling.  Dyer had made his mouth go in the build up to the match. Scholes showed him right up. Attendance, 51,607

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSjonAo5FzI

2003/04 Lost 1-2 Shearer had us in front with a header at the Leazes end, but a van Nistelrooy equaliser and a Scholes winner saw the 3 points head across the Pennines. Attendance, 52,165

2004/05: Lost 1-3. The Red Devils took the points again as Rooney x 2 and van Nistelrooy found the back of our net. Shearer had briefly levelled the score at 1-1. Attendance, 52,320

2005/06 Lost 0-2 Another away win, although we’d reached the hour mark at 0-0, before Rooney and van Nistelrooy sealed the points for the visitors. Attendance, 52,327

2006/07 Drew 2-2 James Milner had us 1-0 up with a thumping shot from outside the box which flew in to the net, Scholes then struck twice to give us that familiar sinking feeling, but David Edgar lashed in a strike from distance to make it 2-2. Attendance, 52,302

2007/08 Lost 1-5 Annihilated, with Ronaldo torturing us. Attendance, 50,152

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TMrgDrYl-4

2008/09 Lost 1-2 After Lovenkrands pounced on a goalkeeping fumble, the visitors replied through Rooney and Berbatov. We’d only score again in 4 out of our last 10 matches. Attendance, 51,636

2010/11 Drew 0-0 Michael Owen getting an earful when entering the field as a sub, amazingly, he didn’t score! Attendance, 49,025

 

2011/12 Won 3-0 Another rare, wonderful thrashing of Man Utd at SJP. Cabaye’s free kick was out of this world and so too was Demba Ba’s volley, but neither goal displayed the sort of technique that Phil Jones as he attempted a header back at his own goal as he was practically on his knees and facing the floor.  Attendance, 52,299

 

2012/13 Lost 0-3 Another cakewalk for the visitors. They spent the first 20 minutes playing in fast forward and we out of sight by the quarter of an hour mark. The whole thing was the UEFA Cup’s fault. (Probably) Attendance, 52,203

 

Man Utd Fanzines

United We Stand http://www.uwsonline.com/

Red News http://www.rednews.co.uk/

Red Issue http://forums.redissue.co.uk/

Danger Men

Doesn’t matter really cos we can make anybody look brilliant when we put our mind to it

Predictions

0-3, maybe even 0-4. We’ll get a good scudding!!

CHRIS BETTSTF_INITIALS_LOGO

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13 Responses to MATCH PREVIEW: Newcastle United v Manchester United, St James’ Park, KO: 3pm, 4/Apr/14, Premier League.

  1. Simon says:

    An excellent if slightly depressing match preview!

  2. John Milton says:

    What you talking about, man! We’re like a wounded animal, fresh from a couple of spankings, an injury crisis and siege mentality. They’ve got a big game coming up so they’ll be resting some of their regulars! PERFECT TIME TO PLAY THEM and all that.

    Then again, we’re just going to be your standard NUFC aren’t we? Play shite, get humped then fuck off. Cannit wait. Also, pound to a penny it’s on telly so I’ll have no escape. Magic.

    • Chris Betts says:

      In taking an abacus with metro keep track of the score.

      Seriously, I hope we smash them all over the park, but that seems unlikely

  3. Chris C says:

    Genius match preview, brightened up my Friday and no doubt the gloom that will otherwise be descending on Saturday evening.

    • Chris Betts says:

      Cheers mate, much appreciated, mind if Anita does end up in goal I hope no one says I’m a mole!! Haha

      • David Rutherford says:

        I almost managed to forget about the clueless pieces of shit ruining our club and simply look forward to the match until I read Pardew’s latest arrogant nonsense. His lack of self-awareness is fucking staggering. I actually laughed out loud at the bit where he offers an interesting new excuse for the spanking we got at Southampton last week.

        • Chris Betts says:

          He’s pulled a flanker this week by actually getting his excuse(s) in before kick off.

  4. WhoArYa says:

    Amusing mental picture of Pardiola using the “Formation Hat” which I assume is much like the sorting hat in Harry Potter? That would explain some of the baffling decisions made as I have to admit we are worryingly disorganised.

    All we can do is front up with our chin up and cheer hoping for Devine intervention

  5. STEPHEN says:

    Quality that.

    Newcastle United v Manchester United,second biggest game of the season and nobody gives a fuck, it’s ruined.

    “They’re Man United and they now know what it’s like”

  6. Greeny's Guitar says:

    My grandson in law is a man utd supporter and at the beginning of this season I really enjoyed taking the piss. Now the way things have developed at our vapid club I really can’t be arsed ( just like the players eh! )

    Since I spell checked wot I wrote I have decided that vapid is the perfect word to descibe our manager. If you don’t know it’s full meaning or synonyms google it.

    • Pete says:

      0-4 at home. 11 goals conceded in 3 games, 0 scored.
      Pardew has publicly admitted he cannot motivate the players.
      Time for him to go.
      Relegation certainties next season.
      Pardew out.

      • David Rutherford says:

        Christ…I can’t think of anything other to say than…Christ…That clueless cunt vanishing on 70 minutes is just about the one bit of common sense he’s displayed all season.
        Just leave, Alan. You, Ashley, Beardsley, Carver, Stone, Charnley, Wendy Fucking Taylor – the whole sorry shower: please fuck off. Now.