MATCH PREVIEW : Newcastle United v Crystal Palace, St James’ Park, 22/Mar/14, KO: 3pm, Premier League.

by • March 20, 2014 • Match previewsComments (8)916

Game 2 of the ridiculous stadium ban for the, lucky to escape execution, manager, so, it’s PulisPalace1another game for the extremely short fused, radge, John Carver to oversee events, with Pardew watching in on proceedings via ‘Pard Cam’ somewhere.

Not even a change of face in the technical area could reignite Papiss Cisse’s appreciation for the large, white, metally, rectangley thing at the end of the pitch it would seem. Honestly, I don’t know what is going on with this kid. How can someone look so, hopeless for nearly 2 whole years, without drawing the unfortunate conclusion, that, maybe, he’s hopeless?

Pardew has made noises about some players returning to fitness, well, he mentioned Ben Arfa and as soon as he said that, I stopped caring who any of the others were. This lad is our best player and best option for a chance to be created, get the fucker back in the team, on the right wing, where he was ripping teams apart not too long ago.

Palace arrive, nervously, hovering above the drop zone in 17th position. On 28 points, but with a worse GD than the Mackems. Their away record is fucking grim. Luckily for them, Tony Pulis has had a rub of a lamp, a genie has appeared, granted him 1 wish (he was in a hurry) and Pulis has asked for Newcastle United in their next fixture……. “Duly granted”…… and everyone’s favourite crisis opposition play host to a Palace side who know 3 points is vital.

Their paltry 2 away wins have arrived at Aston Villa (1-0) and Hull (1-0) whilst their 2 draws have been earned at Swansea (1-1) and Sunderland (0-0). They’ve lost 10 but certainly haven’t been stuffed.

Chamakh is their best hope of a goal with 6 to date, but misses their trip North. Of course, what every crisis team needs when they pay us, is someone who couldn’t score in a brothel with a wad £50 notes strapped to their unit. *Clash of the symbols*…..Cameron Jerome, has 1 goal in 21 appearances……..

Team News

Ben Arfa is back, but Debuchy and Remy aren’t

I have to say, I think Tim Krul should just stay in his box from now on. I’m sure Howard Webb’s reason for not awarding that penalty last week was that Heitinga was only stopping the ball boy having to retrieve Krul’s ridiculously, shit effort from Pimlico……

The back four is likely to remain the same.

So too, will the midfield, unless Ben Arfa is considered worthy of a recall……. I won’t hold my breath.

Up front, not sure it matters. Neither Cisse or Shola Ameobi look like they’ll ever score again. Whilst Luuk De Jong has just 4 more appearances to score more than 1 goal before I christen him Rob McDonald II. For those unaware of Big Rob’s stint on Tyneside, it came in the 88/89 campaign. He’d previously ripped it up in Holland and arrived on Tyneside (via a Swedish stop off) to bag a few goals and aid our battle against the drop. It didn’t happen, 1 league goal (in a 2-1 win at Sheffield Wednesday on Boxing Day) in 10 league appearances was as good as got. The Full Members cup goal at Watford doesn’t really count does it? – So, Wor Luuk, who may have a marginally better touch than Robert, but there’s not a great deal in it, has 0 in 6 apps so far and unless he hits the back of the net a few times soon, I shall have no option but to declare the chap, Rob McDonald II…….. He’s been warned.


R Taylor – Knee – out for the season

Santon – Either a heavy cold or an inability to defend

Elliot – Knee

Remy – Ankle

Debuchy – Groin

Obertan – Hopefully having 2 new feet transplanted

Possible Team (4-4-2)

1.Krul: 2. Yanga-Mbiwa, 5. Williamson, 6. Coloccini, 3. Dummett: 7. Sissoko, 4. Tiote 8. Anita 11. Gouffran: 10. De Jong, 9. Cisse:


Elliot, Haidara, Steven Taylor, Sammy Ameobi, Gosling, Shola Ameobi, Ben Arfa

Referee: Lee Probert

History vs Palace at SJP

1983/84: Won 3-1. With United’s promotion campaign getting off to a stuttering start (just 2 wins from 5) the Eagles arrived at SJP and were dispatched thanks to Keegan, Waddle and one half of the sensational full back pairing of Brown and Ryan, the latter on target. Attendance, 22,869

1994/95: Won 3-2. Palace had a brief mid 90’s, sojourn into the Premier League, but were relegated after 1 season. Ruel Fox, Rob Lee and Keith Gillespie had us 3-0 and cruising on the last day of the season, so, with the cigars out, 6th place secured, Chris Armstrong and Ray Houghton broke us out of our yawns. Attendance, 35,626

1997/98: Lost 1-2 With ideas of Wembley on the horizon, our league form took on a miserable turn for the worst. Once again, Palace were only briefly stopping by, but Lombardo and Matt Jansen soon had them 2-0 up at Gallowgate. A Shearer free kick was our consolation. Attendance, 36,565

2004/05: Drew 0-0. Palace continued their 1 season appearance approach to the Premier League. This game is only remembered for the paper aeroplanes that whistled from the stands and on to the turf. Apart from mine. Mine instantly nose dived and jabbed an owld feel in the back of the head. Oh how we laughed…… Well, he didn’t. Attendance, 52,123

2009/10: Won 2-0. Routine 2-0 win en route to promotion from the Championship courtesy of a Shaun Derry OG and a late Nile Ranger effort. Oh and Mike Williamson made his debut for United.  Attendance, 37,886

Crystal Palace Fanzines

Five Year Plan

Danger Men

The hopelessly out of form, Cameron Jerome, also, if they’ve got anyone who’s fat and slow, they’ll need kept an eye on. Is Murray fat and slow? Hmmm


Newcastle United 0-2 Crystal Palace

*I’d like to dedicate this preview to a life-long black and whiter, a regular, both home and away for many seasons. Norman Spiller, from South Shields, sadly and suddenly, passed away last weekend. Norman was an absolute gentleman, and played a huge part in my Newcastle United supporting days from a School Kid to adult. In fact, Norman was responsible for providing some of the excuses that I could use to fool my parents on a Saturday, when I was really following Newcastle to away grounds as a school kid! Great days.

Besides always being keen to discuss Newcastle United matters, Norman was a fine player himself and South Shields will sorely miss him. I can only hope he’s having a word with the man upstairs about us lifting a long awaited trophy soon.

Sleep tight kidda. This one’s for you…… Absolutely devastated, Bettsy x



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8 Responses to MATCH PREVIEW : Newcastle United v Crystal Palace, St James’ Park, 22/Mar/14, KO: 3pm, Premier League.

  1. keith nelson says:

    Im a red n whiter norman was a good mate in our early school years and adult life! An absolute gem could have a good honest debate with him about nufc and safc. Always had time to have a word with, mainly about football but know could talk to ‘normski’ about owt! He was at my dads funeral a couple of weeks back and helped make it a special day a celebration of life and for that I am eternally grateful! A good lad, a great lad black n white thru and thru but with no prejudice (apart from derby day ha ha). Norman will be missed by both black n white and red n white persuasion! Sleep tight mate

    • Daniel Spiller says:


      My name is Daniel, a cousin of Norman. I came across this article on twitter, I can’t begin to thank you enough for the things I’m seeing on this page, generally brought tears to my eyes. This was so surprising and outta the blue, I’m grateful.

    • Chris Betts says:

      Spot on Keith. Absolutely spot on. See you at the trimmers tomorrow to raise a glass.

  2. Greeny's Guitar says:

    It doesn’t matter where he’s played Cisse has scored goals in for fun all through his career. He was a revelation when he first arrived at SJP and continued where he had left off in the Bundesliga. His deterioration therefore can only be down to one thing. He’s been Pardewed same as HBA.

    • Chris Betts says:

      Looks time like he had a phenomenal 18 month spell for Freiburg, not sure his first half season there is anything to write home about? His spell with Metz is mostly French 2nd tier standard, with just 10 goal less ligue 1 apps. Yeah, I thought he was superb from Feb to May in the 11/12 season here, but that equates to approx 3 full months. Since then he’s been poor, for almost 2 years, I don’t know what the answer is? Persist? Or let him have a go somewhere else?

      As it happens, I’d love him to recapture that old form, bang goals in from all over the shop, it just doesn’t look likely, wish I knew why

  3. Greeny's Guitar says:

    Forgot to say I agree with you about De Jong

    • Chris Betts says:

      Again, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but is this really the kid we tracked for ages and were led to believe we’d missed out on something special when he went to Germany?

      • David Rutherford says:

        Obviously we don’t want to get carried away after one goal but that was Cisse’s best performance in ages, possibly even since the 11/12 season. He looked sharper, hungrier and almost (whisper it) full of confidence throughout. Fair enough he missed a couple of bad ones in the second half but he was only denied by two great saves in the first period -at least they were well taken unlike pretty much every other chance he’s had this season. Fuck knows whether he’ll carry it over to the Everton game and let’s be honest, today was also painful to watch at times but I’m always on the look out for positives and he and Ben Arfa definitely provided those today.