HYPE

The World Cup eh? The World Cup eh? eh? eh? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh God, how exciting eh? Pissing yersel with excitement, England's the best team in the World Cup and we're gonna win it (Ed: try at this point to ignore Brazil, Argentina (look I know we beat them in a friendly when they had taken their best players off), Italy, Germany, Holland, France, Portugal and Spain). Oh my God, I think I'm going to kill myself ... the granny shagger has bust his big toe or something. I'm so depressed, I need counselling. I'm still sticking a flag of St. George in the front window and I'm all flagged up on the motor as well .. look I know the car is a Japanese number but I'm England, Til I Die, England Til I Die. Overwhelming number of tickets for the big games hived off for big business and half empty stadia for the shit games in FIFA's world wide festival of football (puke). Fuck Off.

SKY TV - lame efforts to big up the last, meaningless day of the season - "The Battle for Second, Third, Fourth". Who the fuck are you kidding?

iPods - can anyone tell me the difference between listening to music on a naff SONY WALKMAN with a list of train numbers in a dog-eared jotter in a piss-stained pair of TESCO jeans with elasticated waists and sitting on the Metro with a white box imagining you are part of some world wide cultural movement? Ironic fin-haired bed-head hair-style optional. I know, a slick advertising campaign. You can have 100m songs on an iPod. Well, I'm sorry but I'm only on The Metro for 10 'kin minutes.

Songs about Alan Shearer being knocked out on CD in the "indie" chart?