Coverage for the week of the 13th - 19th March 2006
 

Jean Alain Boumsong.  The Inspector Cleuseau of central defenders.  It’s just one mishap after another isn’t it?  I wonder if he has a small Chinese housekeeper that likes to randomly leap out of cupboards with a football that he has to try and tackle off him.  I wonder if he has ever been to nudist camp and wore a guitar for the entire time.  At the moment he’d probably not get a game for the Monkey Hangers.  £8m ladies and gentlemen!  THAT is of course the biggest mystery, one even a bumbling French detective would struggle with.

We pick up where last week left off, the Rooney master class (Article) at the theatre of nightmares (Article).  We got nowt and frankly you can’t argue with The Lion when he says we deserved nowt.  (Article)  A definite reality check (Article) as we suffered a demonstration of just how far we have to go before we can even contemplate talk of European football again. (Article)  Insult added to injury with the presence of the man who is responsible for most of the damage was sat in the Sky studio bemoaning his luck again.  And them darned training pitches.  And global warming.  And bird ‘flu.  Probably.  Further player reaction saw more Rooney are kissing from Robbie Elliott (Article) (though to be honest what can you say when someone is in that form/mood), award winner (Article) Shay Given fearing the worst (Article) and Peter Ramage, “sorry” (Article).

The back four have taken a shoeing both on and off the pitch (Article).  Both the manager (Article) and Shay Given (Article) (Article) tried the softly softly approach, trying to keep heads up and confidence high.  But really this is a thankless task as time and again we are the masters of our own undoing with silly mistakes and a lack of concentration.  Communication may have improved which is fine against lesser teams but you need a hell of a lot more than organisation to cope with the likes of Rooney.  And so we are left scrambling for other solutions.  Pinning hopes on retuning players (Article) (Article) who may or may not make a difference or a reshuffle of those available.  (Article)  With games against Liverpool and Chelsea looming it looked almost desperate.

Speaking of Liverpool, the talk of last week’s press was of a possible return to Anfield for Michael Owen. It was nice to see someone telling Gerrard to shut his trap in the form of Bobby Moncur.  (Article)  Pity that no-one nationally seemed to have bottle/inclination to do the same.  Owen eventually got round to making some comment on the situation, reportedly “shrugging off” his former team mate’s words (Article) (Article=).  At least this wasn’t done as an afterthought like it was the last time we had similar rumblings, but personally I hardly think this is the sort of emphatic rebuffal we should be getting.  By the end of the week he was definitely staying (Article), though how much of this is more Liverpool (Benitez, specifically) not wanting him remains to be seen.  Then again this report from Sunday’s People would suggest he is set to sign a contract for “life”. (Article)  So why would Glenn Roeder suggest that he needs “big names” to stay (Article).  It’s all confused as ever and the press just love stirring it.  Take Macca, again in The People. (Article)  In one breath he’s saying how great it would be to see Shearer return triumphant from Stamford Bridge in the coming week and the next saying he couldn’t care less about Owen kicking a ball for NUFC again this season as long as he’s fit for England.  Despite many protestations, I wonder the same about the man himself sometimes.

Amidst ongoing managerial speculation, Sam Allardyce (please God, no) briefly became the bookies favourite again this week (Article) with the news that Shearer is set to finish his coaching badges this summer (Article) and that the LMA are set to stick firm to their 12 week ruling that would see Roeder have to step aside 2 weeks before the season’s close (Article).  He still has the backing of a smiling squad (Article) and a The Lion (Article) but the persistent suggestion is the eventual appointment will be made sooner rather than later (Article).  And for a man who is apparently happy to return to his role as Academy director and not supposedly interested in the job at all he’s still making plenty of noises that sound an awful lot like a staking of a claim to me.  Calling for a change of structure to compliment the demands of the modern game (Article) and attacking the wastefulness of the club (and previous regime perhaps?) over high value failures in the transfer market. (Article)  Just falling short of reminding us where the real damage is done.  Just, but just enough to keep him in the frame.  Calling for us not to make the  mistake of letting another Shearer slip through the net (Article) (Article) as the search for the next Shearer hots up (Article).

Indeed we’ve been linked (again, yawn) to a number of “big name” strikers this week.  I mean just who is making these approaches?  We’re supposed not to have a manager at the moment aren’t we?  So why then do we see Fernando Torres (Article), Ruud van Nistelroy (Article) and Diego Forlan (Article) all linked with us again this week with a number of further questions.  Where has this Torres link resurfaced from? (Article) And just how old are some of these quotes? (Article) Bearing in mind they are remarkably similar to ones attributed to him just before we bagged Owen.  And as far as RvN is concerned shouldn’t we be looking at new stars not other sides’ yesterday’s men? (Article)  And Forlan? (Article=)  Hardly inspiring is it, another Man U cast off?

Missing strikers dominated the Liverpool build up.  Albert Luque, missing through melancholy and self-doubt (I’d love to see that listed on PhysioRoom by the way) set to bench warm at best (Article) and even possibly a reserves run out (Article).  £9.5 million and in the central league instead of centre forward in the first team, like he probably should be given the attitude to match the aptitude.  Meanwhile as those allegedly in the know try and identify the key areas where the battle will be won or lost (Article) I think John Gibson’s simpler view is much more appropriate, whoever wins will be who misses Owen the least. (Article) 

In reality we were never at the races, again.  (Article) (Article)  An awful performance that would, under the previous management, been glossed over by an equally appalling refereeing performance (Article).  We do indeed have a long, long way to go.  And as for Mr Boumsong? He is surely now the biggest laughing stock in the Premiership, bar none (Article). 

I’ll leave you with a question this week.  What’s the best way to play down talk of an England call up?  Talk about it to anyone who will listen (i.e. Luke Edwards at The Journal) (Article).  Throw in an “injury hell” (Article) for good measure and you never know you might just get that Sven sympathy vote.  Never mind on Sunday you couldn’t trap a bag of cement.  90K a week? £9.5 million? £8 million?  Just the tip of the iceberg bonny lads and lasses.

NM