Monday 29th August 2005

After yet another bizarre week in the world that is NUFC I’ve decided that you just couldn’t make it up.  If Peter Kay was to write a sitcom about a football club and came out with some of the shite that we’ve had to endure over the last few years it would either be proclaimed as another moment of comedy genius or ridiculed as totally preposterous.  Meanwhile for those of us living through it, it becomes less of a joke as every day slips by.

2 names have dominated the week’s press coverage (blanket? More like duvet and fitted quilt with matching valance set).  Luque and Owen.  Two more on/off will he/won’t he sagas that seem to typify the way we are determined to do business on the transfer front these days.

On Monday and Tuesday last the Luque deal was off.   (Article) (Article)  Our “best and final offer” rejected.  (Article) (Article)  Meanwhile we were apparently preparing a “club record bid” for Owen.  (Article) (Article)  (Article)  Agreeing the fee is one thing; actually getting him to come here (and frankly in his position would you?) when he has already stated we are third choice and he only wants to come on loan anyway, is another.  Musical chairs? (Article)  Not a bad way to put it really.  Then in yet another moment of “look how big and clever I am” shooting from the lip FFS decides to issue Owen an ultimatum.  (Article) (Article)  Sign or forget it.  Or perhaps not (Article) (Article)  Flushing out Liverpool is fine but personally this just feels like another wild Shrek chase and I’m sick of big talk and chasing someone who may not really want to be here?  Paella to pasties? (Article) We’ve already had that with Kluivert so I don’t really think we want to go there again thanks!

So with that all clearly resolved, ahem, late breaking news last Thursday/Friday revealed with the departure of Viana to Valencia (eh? Do they know what they’re letting themselves in for?  Kluivert and Viana – cheers!)  (Article) we were back in for Luque.  With a different offer than the one which was our “best and final” one.  (Article)  The early weekend saw swift movement to get the lad signed and cleared to make his debut against the Manchester Buccaneers on Sunday.  (Article) (Article) (Article)  At last a breakthrough!  One with potential to be very significant and restore some balance and creativity to the side.  The lad will need time to adjust to the Premiership but given our current situation time seems to be the scarcest of commodities in NE1 these days.

A couple of things have struck me from these 2 sagas, one resolved one ongoing.  Why does FFS have to try to be so big and clever?  We don’t have the clout to play this sort of hard act these days.  Just what is a “best and final offer”?  Is it our best and final offer or just our best offer until we get more desperate than you?  And how come we end up shelling out the sort of cash we have for Luque when that would have gone a long way to bringing a couple of the supposed “A” list targets presented at the start of the summer?  Meanwhile when is a deadline not a deadline?  When you’re trying to sign a player from a club who is much bigger than we are in every way and when that player is still throwing us enough scraps to keep us keen.  Loan move or permanent deal I agree that many would be happy to see him in (Article).  It suits us both and if Liverpool cannot come to an agreement we may find ourselves as footballs odd couple.  I just hope he doesn’t prove to be a Lemmon if we somehow manage to get him here.  (I knaa I’ll get me coat when I’m done…)  We’ve had far to many costly flops in our time.  (Article)  I’m amazed we only had 2 entries on that list, as short as it was.

Elsewhere on the transfer front JJ remains destined for London and Spurs (‘kin Spurs – I know).  He’s been removed from all our advertising and promotional shots in preparation for a £8m transfer.  (Article)  Though denied by the manager (Article) I find the last few paragraphs at the end of this story by Alan Oliver interesting.  (Article)  “…no player exchange WHEN (my emphasis) JJ is sold to Spurs…”  However as the week closed it appeared there was still nothing doing and indeed suggestion that it was stalling over valuation.  (Article)  JJ can’t believe we won’t accept less than what we can get for him?  Who is in control of this situation then?  The way this lad has dicked us about over the last month has got more than one member of the tf tifosi pissed off with him.  For me he can go but only if he asks to and only on our terms.  If not you can rot like Viana for all I care and go down as yet another SBR wonder kid gone wrong.  A crying shame!

Away from the transfer front our less than impressive start to the season has naturally generated plenty of comment.  The ineptitude in being unable to finish off 10 man West Ham brought John Gibson to life.  (Article)  Not having the right players in at the right time is hurting us, end of.  Souness pleaded for 2 strikers.  (Article)  Well one’s in anyway.  Over to you FFS.  (Article)  The Bolton debacle however bright more anger and disbelief from all areas.  (Article) (Article) (Article) Rock bottom?  (Article)  And a laughing stock may I also add.  Fearing the worst?  (Article)  Fair to say I think we all are.  And things don’t look much better as I write after yet another self-inflicted defeat against Man U on Sunday do they?  More of that in next week’s ramblings though.

Speaking of Man U, you’ll have seen Nicky Butt’s pathetic attempts at exonerating himself of any blame for his woeful season at St James’ last time round.  If you haven’t here it is in a nutshell for you.  (Article)  Pathetic and spineless:  good riddance.  Hope your boot sponsorship with blue circle goes well.  Meanwhile, obviously aiming to be the headlining act at the Hyena this weekend, Shola’s been making big with the mouth again.  (Article)  20 goals a season?  If only.  I told you last week man, no laughing at the back please.

Finally the weekend brought some interesting views on Souness, Shepherd and their relationship.  Each asking the fans to get of each other’s backs!   Souness in The People (Article) and the Sunday Mirror (Article),   FFS in the Sunday Mirror via an “open letter.” (A cheap stunt made even cheaper by not providing a web link!)  Only a matter of time before someone gets it right?  It’s only a matter of time before Halley’s comet comes round again but I’m not holding my breath for either mesel’ like!  “Best club in Europe”? (Article)  Please stop patronising and just get the job done.  Congratulations to the Independent’s Simon Turnbull by the way for working both “chop souey” and “shepherd’s pie” into this article about the same.  (Article)  Keep it up and you’ll be doing back pages for the Sun in no time mate!  I’ll leave you with Patrick Barclay’s column about the one that got away.  (Article)  If only, if only…

NM