Tuesday14th June 2005

I once heard someone say that the pace of the silly season is measured in RPM. Rumours per minute. If this is the case then Newcastle United have been on the red line this week. Then again what’s new about that? With the renewal deadline here it remains to be seen how many of these whispers, if indeed any, have some actual substance. Sounds like a good business plan to me. Or perhaps not.

Anyway on with this week’s ramblings from the fourth estate. The week began with Souness denying his charge of bringing the game into disrepute. (Article) (Article) Another hefty fine and a ban on the way then. I don’t think I can remember anyone getting off on any charge of this type ever and have no reason to think Souness will. Perhaps he’ll take one of them by the throat in an effort of reconciliation?

Confusion surrounded the future of Academy Director, John Carver. (Article) Any ideas what the heck is going on there? Answers on a postcard please along with suggestions of how else we can make ourselves look like tits in the national press.

We have, of course, plumbed new depths of on and off field embarrassment in the season just gone. The Bowyer-Dyer fight being one of the most original, of course. This came back to the fore this week with the announcement that the CPS was looking into the case with the eventual outcome that Bowyer is to make a court appearance and Kieron “gets away with murder” Dyer isn’t. There’s lots of links here I know but bear with me. (Article) (Article) (Article) (Article) This has brought some interesting points of view from the media. From the conspiracy theory from the Bowyer camp (Article) to the simple “haven’t they got better things to do?” stance (Article). Perhaps Bowyer has been hoist by his own petard and his reputation does precede him but I ask where do you draw the line? Are boxers liable to be brought to court on the basis that you cannot consent to assault? If we get the Olympics in 2012 will the archers competing at Lord’s (yes the cricket ground) be arrested for possession of a deadly weapon? And if this new line of thinking from the CPS is to be consistent will we now see Neil Back brought up for GBH after punching Joe Worsely in the Leicester/Wasps Zurich Premiership final at Twickenham? His punch at least hit the target and Worsely needed 13 stitches. It’s a shambles and a bloody mess and of course Newcastle United simply HAVE to be at the centre of it.

And so to the continuing silliness that is the rumour mill of who may or may not be coming in or out of St James’. Its all very well saying who you want in and who you want out but we are in the unenviable position of having to move on players who are still under contract and who could, quite rightly, decide to sit it out. As was pointed out by The Journal this week, are there buyers out there? (Article) It’s a worrying situation.

The strongest incoming link this week is Scott Parker. (Article) (Article) (Article) (Article) etc etc etc! That is of course if Liverpool don’t get him first. Or Everton. Or Urawa Red Diamonds. Or Spurs. OK I made one of them up but you get the picture. He may not even leave Chelsea yet, despite the Sunday press’ confidence that we are all set to tie up the deal.

Other possible ins I have seen this week were some Argentinean from a Serie B side (inspiring) (Article), Emre (again – remember The Journal told you first…) (Article), Brett Emerton (and/or Lucas Neill and/or Brad Friedel) (Article) (Article), Bolo Zenden (or is this just his dad/agent making mischief…again?!) (Article), Mark Viduka (the white Kluivert ffs) and, I kid you not, Pele. (Article) Coming from the man who signed a player claiming to be George Weah’s cousin I have concern on a Fumaca scale.

Of course the biggest load of incoming bollocks this week was the weekend rumour that we had bid £6million, plus Robert, plus Bellamy for Shaun Wright-Phillips. (Article) (Article) Thankfully the Chairman has denied this. (Article) We’re not that stupid, and even he knows that!

And what about outgoings? Laurent Robert seemed all set to join the growing contingent of south coast ex-Mags. (Article) But breaking news this Sunday it seems he is actually to join the growing band of footballing misfits that is Bolton Wanderers. (Article) (Article) I wonder if Gary Speed is looking forward to doing the extra shift in the middle of the park again? When the wheels come off that club when all the prima donnas and loose cannons go off at once that WILL be interesting. Big Sam continues to gamble, and it won’t always pay off.

Another seemingly sure to be on his way is Andy O’Brien. Again all set for Portsmouth. (Article) Or the Beasts. Or Kansas City Wizards. Or Fulham. (Article) OK I made another one up there.

Steve Harper meanwhile was linked with a move to Celtic. (Article) Bellamy is tipped to stay there (Article). Or go to Everton (Article). Or Blackburn. Or DeprtivoWanka. Aye, I know, I’ll pack it in now. Darren Ambrose looks set to go to Charlton (Article), Lee Bowyer is “admired by Steve Bruce” (Article) and in a strange twist Nicky Butt is being linked with a move to Rangers. (Article) And here’s me thinking we were only interested in buying players off them. Finally on the transfer front, Fat Pat’s dream move to Valencia is on hold due to an ongoing knee problem. (Article) Probably from carrying all that extra weight. It takes its toll on the joints you know.

Football finances have also been all the rage this week with the publishing of the Deloitte-Touch football finance review. (Article) (Article) (Article) Again we come out quite well despite being bereft of Champions’ League money. We always seem to, as it can’t be denied that, as a business, Newcastle United is successful. We tick all the right boxes. Except one. We don’t have a winning team on the park and that, as pointed out by Clark Hunt, owner of the Kansas City Chiefs, is something even Malcolm Glazier understands is part of the most successful business model. (Article) Newcastle boardroom please take note.

Finally here’s the Telegraph’s 100 greatest moments of the season. (Article) By my usually dubious reckoning Newcastle United lie third after Liverpool and Chelsea in contributing to these moments. Only one of them is positive. Newcastle United, always in the news, usually for the wrong reasons.

NM