Firstly apologies to all for the rather delayed timing of this week's missive.  A combination of trips to Cardiff, a smog beast taking it on himself to reverse into my car and a problem with our glorious NHS has made for a lot of paperwork this week, hence the delay.  Even without additional shite like that it hasn't been a good week over all has it?  But let me take you back to a place where hope existed, where despite some troubles we were mindful that you sometimes need a bit of shite to help the roses bloom.

The week started with the predictable Spurs post mortem.  (Article)  We were bloody awful mind.  But this was just the warm up for worse to come.  That said at least the main culprits, Harper (Article) and Milner (Article) were man enough to hold their hands up and apologise without having to be dragged in front of the cameras and the tea lady.

Certain individuals within our camp would do well to learn a bit about accepting responsibility.  We'll come to one of them later.  Meanwhile we were all wondering what the hell has happened to Shola these days?  (Article) Such promise from 2 seasons ago seems to be on the wane and without any good reason.  Personally I think he should stop trying to be pretty and score aesthetically pleasing goals.  Just put your fucking foot through the ball sometimes man, oh and stop jumping 6' when you're 6'2" perhaps.

Talk then began to turn towards the UEFA cup quarter final in Lisbon.  It was suggested that Souness was in a catch 22 situation with team selection. (Article)  If only we had 22 players dedicated to the cause and who wanted to play instead of pop up with mystery injuries, melancholy and apathy.  But it certainly looked likely that he was going to chance some of the chancers and most of the press seemed to think that was a good idea.  (Article) How many of them regretted saying that on Friday morning I wonder though as they rightfully ripped into us?

Meanwhile the Man U camp, having a good idea of what was to come, were already starting their pre-FA Cup final war of words with Arsenal (Article) and their website rather cheekily had the FA CUP final listed in their fixtures as if they had already qualified.  As we later saw of course they had really.  However you would have thought that sort of talk would have spurred us on through the week, or at least hurt some of the players.  Oh no rather than that we decided to get the special revolver we keep to shoot ourselves in the foot out of it's locker again.

Laurent Robert.  Where the feck do we even begin with this man?  All the footballing talent you could ask for with the attitude of a pubescent teenager who has just been told he can't stay out late on a school night.  A match winner, a potential crowd pleaser.  If he did all his talking with his feet he'd already be being talked about as a future legend up here.  He had the chance.  Then once again, just when we didn't need him to he blabs to the press.  Again.  The Independent carried it first (Article) with others quickly following up. (Article), (Article), (Article) and (Article).  The last one there of course coming from Mrs Dyer who obviously has tried very hard not to make his other half jealous during that interview.  He came close in this interview with a certain Barry White/sumo wrestler look a like (Article).

Leaving the manager in a no win situation we all know what happened to Robert and our inept performance in Lisbon in which we were more my little ponies than lions.  Compare Robert's attitude to that of Jean Alain Boumsong.  (Article) Here's a man who can't even play in the tie but is travelling with the squad and wants to put in what he can.  His words are again quite measured and I hope he continues to act in a way that I wish some of the rest of our numpties would. 

The Channel 5 coverage was as professional and well informed as ever too.   You just knew we were heading for a great night of intelligent and incisive football chat when Steve Claridge was more interested in his doughnut having no jam in it.  Fuckwit.  (If you're really interested what he was having was more than likely a Fillozes - a Portuguese (unsurprisingly) doughnut.  Lisbon is famous for them around carnival times apparently.  They don't come with jam.  Where do you think you are? Greggs don't have a shop in Lisbon you tool.)

Along with John Helm who is obviously of the Ian St John school of anti-Newcastle commentary watching that debacle was made doubly hard work.  Highlight of the evenings words of wisdom for me had to be the 10 minute discussion on how quickly would Kieron Dyer recover and could he be fit for Sunday's FA Cup game after he went off with a hamstring injury.  You mean the game he's suspended for lads? You know after he was sent off for fighting with Bowyer?  Don't you read the papers?  I say once more, FUCKWITS!

Sticking with broadcasting I also have to mention everyone's favourite radio station TalkSport.  Or should that be TalkShite?  The morning after Lisbon they were running a competition giving away, yes GIVING away 10 pairs of tickets for the Blackburn end for first semi final at Cardiff, with Brazil and Beacroft finding every excuse to explain why they had sold so few tickets (including travelling distance - excuse me?  Ever looked at a map?).  Then in the next breath they are criticising us for "only" taking 3000 to Lisbon!  And I bet all of those bar a handful went on to Cardiff.  Whilst in the current circumstances the fine line between insanity and passion is ever finer, how anyone can criticise us for that I do not know.  Think how many Premier League sides have struggled to bring 3000 to St James' for fuck's sakes.

And so rapidly, as this season has tended to do, we were full steam ahead to Cardiff.  A great weekend away ultimately ruined by 90 minutes of cowardice.  If you were in the Village Hotel Cardiff and you were disturbed by raucousness until 5am or you are the family whose daughter one of our lads inadvertently taught to swear may I offer a sincere apology.  My limited scan of the Sundays picked out 3 articles that I think sum up the pre match caution that replaced the optimism in the wake of the Lisbon shambles.  We're not losers proclaimed Souness! (Article) Could have fooled me. 
 

Mind you he has a point.  As long as we remain happy just to be there we'll win fuck all.  That said we have to actually look bothered on the pitch when we do get there.  If we ever do again.  Speaking of which Patrick Barclay suggested we had to gamble on Robert.  (Article)    Oops.  Paul Wilson in The Observer however puts it very well when he describes our season as a wreck.  (Article)  Wreck, shambles whatever you want to call it it's just not good enough and I'll most likely pick this up next week where I have left off.

Oh and one last thing before I forget, Sue Mott please FUCK OFF! (Article)

NM