Match Report

Which dickhead came up with the idea of 12.45pm Kick-Offs on a Saturday? Whoever it is deserves a good shoeing, in fact, a shoeing is not enough, a damn good lacing whereby the brainless shit-house who drummed up the idea would be left on the edge of going to hell – burn baby burn – disco inferno.

The City of Manchester Stadium (too much of a mouthful; I don’t even think Jenna Jameson could come to terms with it) proved to be the final chapter of the idiotic Souness regime and the pressure was on Roeder as we travelled to Eastlands with some saying that a good howking could see the end of The Shuffler’s tenure in charge.

The match was utter shite, contested by 2 teams who are totally devoid of attacking invention. To be fair, we played well.......for the last 4 minutes. Up till those last few minutes, there was only 1 team in it and it wasn’t us.

If your dog only had 1 paw and that paw was as gammy as a 4-year old bottle of milk, would you take it for a walk? Would you shite; so why the hell did Roeder start with Shola? He is injured for ferk’s sake and played as expected, with the movement and mobility of a set of traffic lights. Where the hell were Rossi and Luque? I can’t understand why the latter hasn’t been given a good run in the team; Roeder laid down the gauntlet pre-Palermo away and Luque notched the winner yet he was dropped and for Roeder to go with no forwards on the bench when both Rossi and Luque were fit totally beggars belief.

Harper pulled off 2 quality saves, the 1st, flying to his top left to keep out a sweet half volley from Barton (horrible, annoying git) in the 1st half and in the 2nd half, stooping low to his left to keep out an effort from Dickov (see Barton reference). Samaras had a goal chalked off in the 69th minute because Richard Dunne appeared to viciously attack Steven Carr with a big, huge stick, which he cleverly disguised in his sock (cheers Mr Poll!).

Dyer made his 412th comeback (how long will he last this time?) and added a bit of pace to our attack, now I honestly think Brian Potter from Phoenix Night’s in his rank old wheel-chair could have done likewise; nothing against former City player
Jean-Paul Gautier mind and I thought the shiny-headed Francois fella put in another good shift. Dyer should have put us ahead when he played successive one-two’s with Emre (anyone else have flashbacks to THAT 4-3 at Anfield? “Barnes to Rush to Barnes, Collymore closing in………..” - Bastards) but he shot straight at Michah Richards with the goal at his mercy. With seconds remaining, we had a 3 on 2 but Dyer opted for the wrong ball, playing in Sibierski to his left when Milner was clean through to his right.

Positives? Well, we somehow managed to keep another clean sheet, we climbed up to 3rd bottom (we-hey!) thanks to Watford getting a good humping at Chelsea (cheers for the League Cup draw to whoever drew us against them!) and erm, oh yes, all of the away fans received a Black and White scarf when we entered the ground (left-overs from King Al’s Testimonial anyone?!). Worryingly, the last league goal we scored from open play was an astonishing 10 hours and 16 minutes ago, yes, it is true! That was Shola’s goal at home to Bolton, when he was 185 yards offside! It’s only Arsenal away next week......!

If that was an advert for Premiership Football then I am the Mayor of Bangalore.

DP