Match Report

I am going to write a letter of complaint to Marvel comics for their failure to include Seamus Given as one of their Super-Heroes. The letter will be abrupt, strong-worded, it will contain foul language and it will be suitable only for an audience of people aged 18 or over (certainly not for your pet parrot). Also mentioned in the letter will be a dig at them for trying to brain-wash the public into believing that The Incredible Hulk was green, when everyone with an ounce of upstairs knowledge knows that he wore (and ripped off) a yellow t-shirt, a red bandana and he used to wipe out people with his trademark leg-drop (his daughter is very fit and I would like to do things to her with the aid of spinach but I won’t go into that).

From the outside, The Emirates Stadium resembles that spaceship which those Martians from The Smash adverts landed on to earth from. A big, huge, dome, which was built in impressive time (ferk knar’s what them Wembley builders have been doing) with very comfy, red leather seats, which of course were not needed! Now I’m nee Filipino scientist by any stretch of the imagination but I don’t understand how Arsenal charged us £35 for the cranky old away end at Highbury last season compared to £32 in their new swanky stadium on Saturday; cheers for the “free” pint Mr Dein!

Pre-match predictions going down on the train (quite a few were stopping for the night and were on a “ferkin London weekend man, ye cheeky cockney twat” – Sid The Sexist from The Viz should be knighted) all revolved around us scoring zip and conceding between 3 and 5 – mugs, the lot of us. A certain deluded, deranged buck-nut who wrote this had a fiver on us wining at odds of 10/1 – bastard!

Martins and Dyer both returned up top with Dyer playing “in the hole” (what are the ground-staff playing at? Get it filled before some poor bugger breaks a leg) and they both added pace, energy and movement to our forward line. Fair play to Shola (Gammy-Hip-Obi) for battling on through the pain but it tells you a lot about or squad (or perhaps, Roeder’s management, as both Luque and Rossi have been available) that we have persisted with him when he has been badly in need of being cut open.

We went 1 up after 30 minutes through good link up play between the front 2, Martins flicked on a long clearance which Dyer did well to read, he then faced Eboue and from the edge of the box, beautifully placed a shot into Lehman’s bottom left-hand corner (Tottenham at home in The FA Cup 3rd round replay in 99-00 anyone?). For the rest of the match it was pure backs to the wall stuff (I thought that was a term used when people who bat for the other side were in the same room but what do I know) and through resolute defending and some world-class goalkeeping from Shay we managed to hold out until the 70th minute and the equaliser came through yet more stupid defending. A long ball forward caught Taylor napping and the ball was heading towards the corner flag as Henry chased it but for some stupid reason, Taylor decided to tug at Henry’s shirt and gave away a free-kick on the edge of the box. There was absolutely no need to foul Henry, all Taylor had to do was go with him and usher him in the corner. Yep, up steps Monsieur Va Va Voom to place an unstoppable shot into the net via the cross-bar. Taylor has potential but he has to cut out the rash, stupid fouls from his game, if that mistake had of been made by Bramble (who was superb by the way) then he would have been slaughtered by the Press and the majority of NUFC fans...........

We managed to hold out for a point through our ever-dependable chap from Co. Donegal and the woodwork. Who gives a rats arse if the stats show Arsenal had 23 shots at goal compared to our 2, or 11 corners compared to our 1, or 1 crazy, permed Jorman lunatic of a goal-keeper compared to our 0, we held out for a point and the full time celebrations were as if we had won the match. Wenger must have been wearing his tunnel vision geps, which cause him to miss major incidents as I have yet to hear him comment on Fabregas’ yellow card, seemingly Match of The Day and Goals on Sunday did likewise. The tackle on Crocodile Dundee was over the top and it should have been a straight red card and it caused the man who hates stingrays to limp off and be substituted with only minutes left. I really like Moore and I hope the knock he picked up is not too serious. Everyone put in a good shift and I hope this kick-starts our season; we’re in the car but we keep bastard stalling so far!

A fantastic and unexpected point and a cracking day out had by all, marginally tarnished by The Hitler of Transport Polis’ who is complete and utter bellend!

DP