Over to you, Badger.
As supporters it is difficult to stomach the ball ache of the current regime, but perhaps Lady Luck can provide us with some beer tokens to take our minds off the present shambles at our club.
Every week I will recommend three teams, which I will cover with a treble and three doubles, (known as a ‘Trixie’ in the betting dens of inequity that can be found amongst the backstreets of our great nation), so that if two out of three win, you still get at least your money back, and as that fat lad with the long hair sang years ago, ‘two out of three ain’t bad.’ (Ed: apologies that will be the last ever Meatloaf reference on these pages).
So, my first selection is Arsenal away to the great unwashed. Unless Di Canio is playing I cannot see them troubling Wenger’s crew and was thinking of taking up the Arse minus a goal, (I know, deliberately side splitting) but decided to play it sensible and hope they have one of their days when they all get it together and play as the fluent cohesive unit they can be, instead of the disjointed team they sometimes appear as, normally when it is too cold for the wee whimsy, glove wearing poor poo-poos who don’t like the mud and rain.
Second team for me is Leyton Orient who are flying high in division 1.
My third pick was a toss up between two teams in Scotland for a draw which pays decent odds and lifts the return. My first inclination was to go for a draw between Hearts and Celtic at a 7-2 price; but as The Hoops are well rested apart from a few internationals, I fancy them to beat the Jam Tarts and instead, I will go down a league and go for Dundee and Hamilton to draw at 11-4 to make up the bet.
Hamilton at the top of the league haven’t been tested up until last week when they beat Falkirk 2-1 and Dundee have been playing well and I think will give the Accies a stern test.
Those of you who are new to this game should set aside a pot of whatever you can afford to lose; it is vital you remain disciplined and don’t get carried away and end up having to call a certain loan shark company to bail you out of any losses incurred.
Instead, if the worst case scenario happens and we lose every week, then after the last week in November, (and in time for Christmas), you might be better off kidnapping your next door neighbour’s wife and threaten to return her safe and sound, and able to speak, unless they leave the amount of money you have lost over the weeks in a plastic bag somewhere secret, and then hit her over the head with a large plank and throw her in the river with a suicide note wrapped in plastic stuffed in her gob, which should be taped up securely to make the police think it is the MO, (modus operandi, you ever watch Taggart? ffs), of a serial killer.
Incidentally, the note should be short and to the point, something like, ‘Sorry, I couldn’t take it any more’, should do the job.
Also, if a lot of you do this in the same week, the Police will be convinced there really is a serial killer and many husbands can rest easy and watch the football in peace.
Anyway, if you start off with say, ten pounds of a pot, I recommend a two quid Trixie. That is four bets,
(one treble and three doubles), which is eight pounds, and with the remaining two pounds, I suggest two eighty pence singles on John Terry for the Rent Boys in the late match against Everton and Lescott for the sky blues of Manchester to score any time, at 6-1 and 10-1 respectively, and a 40 pence double, just in case my voices in my head are telling me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Those of you already in possession of ransom money/profits from ‘deals’ can up the stakes and multiply them accordingly.
Good luck to all, and as it’s rush hour, I’m off to watch the traffic…